Monday, March 23, 2009

Street Fighting Skillz for Girlz


This is my big sister, Jo Ann. This picture was taken sometime in the 80s. Like you can't tell. Jo Ann will tell you that her name is Jonni, and technically she did have it legally changed when she was an adult.

Yeah, whatever. No one else in our immediate family will refer to Jo Ann by her soap opera name, but all of her friends don't know her by anything else. Honestly, I can't even say her soap opera name without giggling, but that's beside the point.

The point of this post is that I learned my street fighting skills from my big sis. She's one big bad a*@. This is a family blog, so I just can't bring myself to spell it out. Plus my Mama Llama reads it and she would frown upon such language.

Anyway, Jo Ann has a bad temper and when she was a teenager, she had a real bad attitude to go with it. She's not the least bit concerned about exercising restraint either. Tick her off, be prepared to pay. It's that simple. Growing up, everyone was afraid of her. I think even my Mama Llama was afraid of her.

Everyone was afraid of Jo Ann not just because of her temper, but because she would regularly kick the butts of the bully boys in our neighborhood. We had some nasty boys in our neighborhood too, so there was lots of butt kicking to be done.

One time I was climbing the fence in our backyard and the nastiest boy in the neighborhood, Robbie, pulled my pants down. Thankfully Jo Ann was there. She smacked him to the ground and started beating the crap out of him. I can't even tell you how much my heart swelled with pride.

Robbie was crying and sputtering and she was all "You pervert!" [BAM BAM BAM] "You don't pull my sister's pants down!" [BAM BAM BAM] "You psycho sex maniac! Get out of here and don't come back!" He was all holding his arms up in the air, bleeding and saying "I'm sorry man, I'm sorry. I'll never do it again."

He was so lying though. He was incapable of learning his lesson. That boy was NAY-asty.

Then he hit puberty and he got real big. Thank goodness we moved away from the hood right about that time. I don't even want to know what became of him.

Jo Ann didn't just kick the butts of the nasty boys in the neighborhood. Pickle and I got our butts kicked too, although usually she didn't make us bleed. She was satisfied to stop at making us cry.

I remember one time when we were teenagers, rolling around on the floor, wrestling for the chance to pick the t.v. channel. I wanted to watch Gilligan's Island and she wanted to watch Star Trek. Oh geez, she was the biggest Star Trek freak and I hated Star Trek. Captain Kirk was just so exhausting to watch because it took him 15 minutes to complete a simple sentence. Puh-leeze, not Star Trek again. Jo Ann even went to a Star Trek Convention once, she was that into it. Talk about a Freak Fest. Anyway, we were out for blood and I rolled her over to pin her, and in the process I slammed her head up against the corner of one of the kitchen cabinets.

The next thing I knew she was clutching her head and bleeding all over the place. Head injuries bleed a lot, who knew? I should probably mention that although my sister was tough, she was kind of a whimp when it came to blood and things like having the tangles combed out of her hair. Oh man, she would scream. So she discovered that she was bleeding and she gets even madder, but panicky at the same time. "You bleep, you bleeping made me bleed. You bleep bleep." I was all "Yeah! Score!" But then it registered that now she was going to really make me pay, and I was going to be the one bleeding next. Lucky for me, she had to go to the hospital for stitches so the butt kicking was put on hold. Whew!

I would like to say that I got to enjoy Gilligan's Island and bask in the joy of my victory, but I was too panicked that she was going to KILL ME when she got home. And they were probably going to have to shave part of her head for the stitches, so she was going to be even more ticked off. Yep, I was dead meat.

I had like three hours to obsess over my butt kicking. I called all my friends to get their opinion, and they all said I was going to get my butt kicked too. "Hide. Hide well." they said.

So my mom pulls into the driveway with my sister, and I start running back and forth, trying to find a hiding place, deciding that each one wasn't good enough, then running out to find another one. I was a mess. A big ol' chicken butt mess.

It was all very anticlimactic though, because my sister walked in the door with my mom and she had a headache. She had a headache. Can you believe my luck? I live to fight another day. Yes!

The next day Jo Ann had cooled down considerably, but she still had a reputation to uphold so she was all "I am still going to get you, you bleep."

That's all I remember. I don't recall getting a butt kicking, but maybe it was so traumatic that I just blocked it from my memory.

In the interest of passing on some of my excellent street fighting skills to our girls, we started coaching them young.


In this picture Zoe is three and Annika is one. We were chanting "Get her Annie! Get her!"


All that rolie polie-ness tends to roll right off the target.


That's okay, Annie's still able to connect one.


When Annika turned three and Zoe was five, we started them in Tiny Tiger Karate lessons. We want to make sure that when they go on a date, they can back up their NOs with a little can of whoop a#$.


Here they are bowing in, preparing to give a little demonstration.


Annika is a little like Jo Ann. She's serious about her whoopings. Her favorite part of karate is the kicks. She likes to do them fast and she doesn't know her strength. Or maybe she does.


Zoe is our Delicate Flower and every injury is magnified tenfold on the Pain Meter and its corresponding Attention Seeking Scale.

They look like they're having fun here though, don't they?



Oops. Spoke too soon.

I love Annika's face here. Zoe was all "WAAAAAAAAH!" and Annika looks like she's thinking "Oopsie." In fact, I'm pretty sure she was. She knows what a Drama Llama Zoe is so I think she was just waiting to see if there was going to be any blood to follow up with all that racket. She probably thought blood would have been super cool.

No blood though, just drama.


"WAAAAAAH!"


I love this. They still have to bow out, but can you see that look on Zoe's face? Girlfriend knows how to hold a grudge. She talks through her gritted teeth and I can just hear her, "Anni-KA! You are such a meaner! That wasn't very nice!"

I don't know if we're going to be able to instill some street fighting skillz into Zoe Bug, but I think our work is done with Stinkerbell.

118 comments:

  1. haha! i love it. they get it honest.

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  2. LOL!

    (btw, if you haven't seen it yet, I posted a blog post about you! :) )

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  3. How funny! I was Jo Ann once upon a time. I made the neighbor girl eat mud before I would play with her. She ate the mud and then I let her play with me as long as she did everything I said. What a nice obedient girl she was. We were friends until her family moved. My girls do not have the Jo Ann in me, they are wayyyy to nice, except to each other.

    GaeLyn

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  4. I don't ever recall having a physical fight with my sister, but I do remember poking on my little brother a few times. Now that brother is about 6'4" and I wouldn't poke on him now or he'd wipe me off the face of the earth.

    It is probably a good thing your girls are taking karate. The way this crazy world is, probably a good thing for them to have basic skills.

    You're a good momma to your girls.

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  5. Those pictures of the girls are ADORABLE! And, if you never got your butt kicking from your big sis for the head injury, you may be getting it now after posting that picture of her! So classic 80's and she looks all gangsta too! I LOVE IT!!

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  6. OK - I am still afraid your sister is going to come kick your butt for writing that post about her. Good luck - however I am happy to know that if she comes and tries you can stick those little cuties out in front of you to karate chop her! Funny Post! Brought back memories of my brother kicking the living daylights out of me - those were the days!

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  7. I always wanted to punch my older brother, but because he angered me so I felt like I might really hurt him, and I was afraid of what might happen......go ahead, call me chicken. You're so funny, neighbor.

    suzanne

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  8. You crack me up lady! That was a funny post :)

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  9. Oops! Glad I am not the only one who does that!

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  10. Hahahaha! That's right, my redneck friend... teach 'em to fight and teach 'em young!

    giggle giggle snort. We actually had to teach our oldest to fight because the school wouldnt protect her. I felt like a rebel...

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  11. Well, Jilly. I remember that fight well, and it wasn't over TV......we were teenagers, and it was over the phone. You were hogging it talking to your stupid boyfriend for hours, and I wanted to use it. Those were the days before call waiting, or cell phones. Also, when I first started bleeding, I thought I hurt you, and I felt really bad......then I realized that it was coming from me as I was on top of you and it was dripping down my face. I never wanted to hurt you guys.....I just wanted you to THINK I would hurt you!! :)

    You LOVING sister
    JONNI........JONNI, NOT JO ANN!!!

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  12. I think it is very smart to teach girls the fine art of self-defense. They will be strong and confident. Although my granddaughter just wants to take ballet. She likes the outfits better.

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  13. Hahahaha love this post! I LOVE the pictures of your girls....they are just too cute!

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  14. Better watch out that Jo Anne doesn't get you back now that you've reminded her of your little incident...

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  15. They are adorable! I love the idea of teaching them how to defend themselves for future dates! haha!

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  16. That is funny. I love the girls pictures.

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  17. Oh my word. That is like the best sister story EVER.

    Thanks for sharing!!

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  18. OMG your girls are just too adorable there. And the series are too funny and hope you scrap that. Just too funny of a story not to have down for future generations. ;)

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  19. That was so cute. I laughed the whole time. You are an incredible writer. You really need to write a book.

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  20. Toooooo funny!! I didn't grow up with a sister but I used to kick my brother's butt all the time:-)

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  21. Great story! Your sister would have totally scared me as a kid. Mine was just like her! She be so mean to me but if anybody else tried it, watch out!

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  22. Wow! You had one tough sister!

    It's great your girls are learning to take care of themselves when they're young. I remember my brother having to come to the bus stop to protect me from a bully.

    Then when I got older, MUCH older, I took Taekwondo. It's amazing what some fighting experience can do for your confidence.

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  23. Fantastic post! We've enrolled our 5 y/o boy in Karate...there's a LOT of punk kids in our neighborhood and well, if he's going to need to kick some butt, I want him to be able to do it properly. Besides, it'll only take one good whoopin' for the other kids to know not to mess with him. You're a smart mommy for putting your girls in! My girls will be too!

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  24. This post was hilarious!! Really needed a good laugh today- thanks!:)

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  25. Funny, my brothers and I still laugh about the day I became a street fighter.. I was never the tough chick and got picked on relentlesly until one day the bee-hatches followed me home and said something about my brothers.. then it was ON sister! I don't even remember much, though the bros can recall it vivid (and I'm sure imbleshed) detail!

    These pics and this post will go down in family lore, mark my words.

    Stopped by to say thanks for the comment wub on my big SITS day it was a blast!

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  26. Oh my gosh! I was laughing my butt off during your story with your sister!! I have one I should post about JaNae and I but it wasn't quite that graphic. Although, she never did hit me again after that!! :) Great story!

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  27. Hilarious post!!!

    Thanks so much for visiting me on my SITS day :)

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  28. I'm glad you put that on your favourite post list. It was even funnier the second time around. I am almost crying from laughing so hard...it probably stems from the fact that I have my own Drama Llama and Street Fighter. I haven't been brave enough to put them in any classes though...

    I LOVE your blog!

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  29. That is so stinkin cute! Not fun for the older one, but cute nonetheless

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  30. Man, I think your sister may bleep you for the photo! LOL!

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  31. Yeah, that is one bad a*! photo of your sis. Love it! Great family story, pop culture references, and pics of the girls Kung Fu Fighting.

    Happy SITS day.
    Jenn

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  32. So cute!

    Wish I had a big sister to beat the crap out of people for me. There are a few people now I'd like to set her loose on! ;-)

    LBM xxxx

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  33. Too funny, great post. Your girls are such cuties!
    Cheers!
    C

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  34. From a girl with 3 sisters I am cracking up at your story! :)

    Also I saw you girls on the sidebar in the "thing 1, thing 2" shirts and assumed twins (not sure why) so when you read my first comment and I say "btw, I have twin boys" it will sound completely ridiculous. I promise I am not crazy...well, in a psycho kind of way, anyways :)

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  35. LOL! That was too funny. Thanks for the early morning smiles. I am enjoying my visit here on your SITS Day.

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  36. Hahahaha!

    Cute pics!


    (I hate Star Trek too!)

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  37. That is too funny! I'm so glad today was your SITS day, because I totally needed to see that picture of your sister and crack up. BTW, I hope she doesn't beat you up for posting that. I mean, that would totally defeat the purpose of the picture bringing smiles and laughter to thousands of SITSas today. And it's so awesome that your girls are learning to kick butt, too, I think that's a good thing for girls to know how to do!

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  38. AMEN! Every girl could use a can of whoopa#@ in her back pocket. hehehe Love that last photo. How could you hold the camera still enough to take it? You must have been laughin like a hyena! Really really cute pics. Happy SITS day!

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  39. Funny how different families raise their kids. We were never allowed to fight. Sometimes we horsed around just wrestling and someone would accidentally get hurt, but certainly no blood ever came.

    Cute pictures of your girls' Karate demonstration! I think that's a good idea too to teach kids how to defend themselves, just in case.

    Great post! Just curious if your sister reads your blog.

    Congrats on your SITS day!

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  40. He he! I love your sister story. My brother and I used to fight pretty bad too. I'm so glad my kids are 7 1/2 years apart and aren't as physical as we were. My son just yells at my daughter and she cries:) Pretty much constantly..yay for me.

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  41. I grew up with all girls and we definitely had the occasional "fight", but it didn't last long. My parents wouldn't allow it. :-) Your little girls are adorable!
    pk @ room remix

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  42. How cute are your girls in their karate outfits?

    My sister and I (also known as thing one and thing two!) always fought when we younger, not clean karate mind; dirty, hair-pulling, eyeball-poking nastyness.

    I've enjoyed you're blog today!

    Jessabell
    xXx

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  43. Ya know, I think I might have known your sister... or maybe someone a lot like her! Thanks for the smile this a.m.

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  44. That is so funny! I love the pics!

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  45. That story so brought me back to my own childhood. I could SO picture every scene! Excellent!

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  46. I guess we all know/knew someone like Jo Ann. Hit first, ask questions later kind of person. Your girls are so cute!

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  47. I, too am one of 2 sisters and can totally relate to these stories! You forgot the rule that no one can beat up or tease your sister except YOU!
    Happy SITS Day!

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  48. lmao...i loved reading that. it brought me back to the time that my sister threw a pair of scissors at me as i jumped off the back porch in retreat!

    the pics of the girls are ADORABLE!

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  49. I really enjoyed this post!! Thanks so much for sharing it!! Brought back so many memories of kicking my sister's butts!! LOL

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  50. Childhood has so many memories! Reminds me of the skirmishes my brother and I had. Hope you have a great SITS day.

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  51. Those photos of the girls are so stinkin' cute!

    Love the memories you've got of your sister!

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  52. That picture of your girls bowing is adorable!

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  53. That is sooo good. I love it. Your girls are adorable, even if they're trying to kill each other. =)

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  54. What a great post! Gosh that 80
    s hairstyle is the best. SO did Jo Ann bully you after you published this? I would if I was her, or Annika.

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  55. The BEST post to start my day. I think Jo Ann, I mean 'Jonni', is my sister's twin :o)
    Love the pics of your girls. Mine just turned 4 and we are putting her in Tae Kwon Do. She's aggressive and I've found her smackin' a boy at school with her water bottle because he wanted hugs and kisses - and she is not into that. I was enjoying watching his butt get kicked a bit. even though he is only four :o)

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  56. So hilarious! I wish I had a Jo Ann growing up! Or, now...I'd let her stand outside my office and fight off the stupid people.

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  57. You are hilarious! And your girls are beautiful.

    Happy SITS day.

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  58. Oh wow, what's not to love about this post? Great lead-up to the girls in their karate clothes...I loved the description of their expressions...I could totally see it!

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  59. I'm so glad you lived to "fight" another day, if you hadn't made it....you wouldn't be blogging! lol

    congrats on your SITS day. Your kids are positively beautiful, those little karate clothes are the greatest!!

    I'm having a giveaway if you'd like to stop by. : )

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  60. Wonderful pictures and BEAUTIFUL girls!!

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  61. What an awesome story! I loved how you tied you and your sister with your daughters! It is amazing how life repeats itself!

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  62. My sister and I really only fought like cats - generally with our nails, too

    Happy SITS day!

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  63. I wish I would've had a big sister like Jo Anne when I was growing up! :) Happy SITS Day!

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  64. That pic of your sister reminds me of Crystelle Harmon in grade school. Man, she was one baaaaaad chick. If she was having a bad day and you were in her line of sight you were going to get your butt kicked. If she got in trouble in class or humiliated by our jerk teacher she was going to take it out on one of us at recess. It was exhausting!

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  65. too funny! happy day to you, sitsta!!

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  66. Girls gotta be tough! Your two look like they can swing between sweet and scary-to-the-bullies, so the perfect combo. :-)

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  67. Fantastic pics of your little girls!

    My sister was too much younger than me (7yrs) for us to ever do much of that kind of fighting. By the time she got old enough that we would have been competing over the same things I was out of the house in college!

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  68. Lol. So funny! I think it's great the girls are in karate classes -- it's always good to know how to hold your ground. They're still so cute though!

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  69. Love the 80's picture. Your sister may beat you up again for posting that!lol

    The Karate kids...LOVE IT!! So stinking adorable.

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  70. Every girl needs to know how to whoop a little a@@ I think... funny post!

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  71. Visiting from SITS and all I can say is I'M SCARED OF JO ANN!

    The girls are too cute!

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  72. Really funny post!

    I didn't have any sibling so I missed out!

    Your girls are so cute...love your pictures!

    Happy SITS day!

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  73. Aw! Your little girls are so cute. I took karate when I was younger and it was such a great experience. I was definitely the tough one.

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  74. What fabulous pictures. Real treasures. Inspired me to call up my own sister. :)

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  75. I had a Jo Anna type girl in my 'hood when I was a wee lass and she scared the living snot right out of me. Of course, she didn't just prey on potential pedophiles, but also on poor, innocent, sweet, little girls like moi. Of course, she later grew up to become a crack ho (for reals....not a lie) so I guess she got hers in the end!

    YOU are a crack up though....I'm so glad I stumbled across your blog....

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  76. OMG I LOVE this - you and your sister are hilarious and I can't wait to read more of your blog! Again, stopping by from SITS to say hello! Hugs, Trac~ :o)

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  77. Cute girls. I don't worry about my 19-year-old at all. She sounds a lot like your sister.

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  78. Oh my WORD you are freakin' hilarious! That is awesome...those pictures...
    PRICELESS!!!
    Kerri

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  79. there's no love in the world like sister love. the photos are priceless. i love my big sister, but i'm also scared silly of her...

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  80. Two girls = loads of drama. Great pics!! And you sis... she LOOKS mean. Yikes!

    Happy SITS Day!

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  81. Over from SITS, all right, that's it; I'm following now, and I haven't even gotten to your third post. It could be about apple cores and I'd still follow after those first 2 posts. Terrific story, adorable girls -- great photos, apt descriptions. Love the blending of the two generations of sister tales. And love "Hide. Hide well." and Zoe's expression in the last photo the best. Glad to meet you and your family. Only, I thought I was going to learn how to be anal and organize my life; now that I ponder, I hope that 3rd post isn't about apple cores unless you teach me to compost them alphabetically or something.

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  82. Those little ones are too cute. I like that you started them in Karate so young!

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  83. OK, this was the funniest post that I have read in a long time! I'm still giggling about it!

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  84. Hi! I'm visiting from SITS and wanted to say I love your blog!

    I have a little sister but never got to beat up on her lol. This is too funny!Have a great day :)

    Brianna
    www.girlscurlshair.com

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  85. WOW! That is so hilarious!! I was the butt kicker in my family, but i was a humble and fair butt kicker, so they only got it when they deserved it. I love this post, thanks for sharing!
    -Robin
    www.robingillis.blogspot.com

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  86. Interesting, I didn't know you had to teach kids to fight. Mine just came into that naturally.

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  87. Great post - love the pics of the girls "fighting". I think that it is great to teach them karate!

    ~Katrina
    www.proverbs-31-wife.blogspot.com

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  88. Happy SITS day!

    It's great to have a sis who'll teach you how to fight, isn't it? I hope so because I am that sister!

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  89. That was the funniest post EVER ;-) I used to get my butt kicked by my big bro all the time (but of course no one else was allowed to touch me, tee hee). So glad you don't remember the butt-kicking if there was one...I'm sure it would have been bad! Your sis looks like she could hold her own, hehehehe.

    Jamie :)

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  90. Dang, I'm scared of your sister!

    Thanks for the great idea - I'm thinking this would be a great activity for my kids!

    Adorable pictures.

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  91. LOL! Ok, my husband thinks I've gone nuts as I'm sitting on the sofa silently shaking, with tears running down my face -
    That. was. hilarious.

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  92. stinkerbell, pickle mama llama

    man your entertaining!

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  93. Such a great post!

    I didn't have a sister, but I had a brother who was bigger than me by the time he was 6 mo. old (I was about 3 yrs old) & has continued the trend ever since. Fortunately I survived & learned how to fight back (I could think & move faster). I'm sure your daughters will find a way to balance things out & learn to love each other, no matter what.
    Thanks for posting this great story.

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  94. Your sister looks like a tough cookie! ;-)

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  95. What great pics!!!! Teach those girls to fight it out! Yea!
    Sandra (SITS)

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  96. Happy SITS day to you! How funny, and how cute your little ninja girls are!
    My sister is also named Joanne, andshe insisted everybody call her "Josie" when she became a teenager, which she is known as to this day. I guess Joanne is not a cool name for a teenage girl!

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  97. Such a 'meaner'! Haha - love that.

    Yeah - I might be like Zoe. It's my little sister who's the tough one in our family! ;)

    PS - your sidebar is making me HUNGRY!

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  98. Great, great stories. Your sister totally DID look like a bad @$$. She would've made me nervous. She had that side-eye down before it even had a name!

    Your girls are adorable.

    Congrats on your SITS day!

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  99. I just love your blog. You are so funny. I am a big sister, but I spent most of my time trying to keep my sisters out of my room.
    We did a lot of yelling.

    thanks for the memories!

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  100. I think we've all had a Jo Anne in our lives. My older sister was the same way. I'm 23 now and I'm still scared of my older sister...ha ha! We'll be in our 90's and she'll be bossing me around. It's ok, I love her and what are big sisters for. Do thing 1 and 2 practice their karate on peanut head? LOL! XOXO

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  101. Very funny post. I enjoyed reading the story about you and your sister. I also liked the photos you posted of your daughters.

    Stopping by from SITS

    http://fabulousgccandles.blogspot.com/2009/10/fabulous-candles-first-gold-canyon.html

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  102. LOL!!! I can tell you have a very colourful life, girl. Great read!

    Funky Junk Donna

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  103. OH, I have an 80's photo to rival that doozie of your sis. And she would KILL if I posted it. Which I think I might do soon... :)

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  104. LMBO!!!! Funny story. I remember the 80's, my sister was like your Jo Ann. :)

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  105. Oh yeah, they look realllly tough...NOT! My daughter lasted through two classes of Karate woohoo

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  106. I totally had at least three outfits like your sister. Little girls in karate...way to go!
    Holly @ 504 Main

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  107. Oh my gosh your little ones are adorable! And hey a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!

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  108. Your sister is awesome--- chasing that mean boy off that dropped your drawers. My brother was that person in my life. All the time people would say-- don't mess with her she's got BIG brothers. It was embarrassing to have people know that.

    Your girls are too cute. They look like they are best friends. I am best friends with my sister NOW, but at that age our fighting was real-- and totally for blood.

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  109. LMAO! You write sooooo well and I love reading these stories! I'm so glad I found you! That picture of the girls in the karate uniforms just before they bow at the beginning is p-r-e-c-i-o-u-s.

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  110. Brilliant! Enjoy your SITS day. It's great to read your posts. nI love your style of writing. Very honest and funny. P.S. Your post about your sister scared me a bit too! Fantastic picture of her eighties do! Sending smiles.

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  111. Your girls are darling!
    Happy SITS day!

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  112. Congrats on your SITS Day! I LOVE all that scrappiness! I'm was raised in the hood to. Totally in charge of whoop @$$ to protect my little sister!

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  113. So funny! Your girls are adorable in their little gis. Karate is a good idea. I took it myself but was much older.

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  114. This post is hilarious! SO glad I ran across your blog at Tip Junkie. Count me in as a new follower :-)

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