Man Skillz

I just found the niftiest book for you to give to your man for Christmas this year. Or a man, anyway. It would be a good gift for a brother too. Although maybe not my brother. Someone would have to give him a sense of humor first. He's so stiff. I only wish I had kept this book from Peanut Head so I could give it to him for Christmas this year.

I love this Man Skills book because it has the best topics. I could entertain myself for hours just reading the Table of Contents alone. In fact, I couldn't wait another minute to share some of my favorites with you. Here they are:

How to Drive Down a Flight of Stairs

How to Drive Up a Flight of Stairs

How to Pee in the Car While Stuck in Traffic (I can personally attest to this being a useful skill, although not that impressive for a man. Seriously.)

How to Bail Out of a Street Luge

How to Disarm an Irate Golfer

How to Control Your Golf Rage

How to Treat a Dart Injury

How to Make Household Chores Fun

Facial Hair Options (complete with illustrations)

Emergency Phrases for When You're in the Doghouse

How to Sleep on the Couch

How to Rid a Bedroom of Monsters

How to Bond with Your Teenager

How to Build a Cat Fort

How to Brush Your Dog's Teeth

How to Discreetly Pass Gas Mid-Meeting

How to Stifle Uncontrollable Laughter

How to Take the Last Doughnut

How to Remove a Tie Caught in the Document Feeder

How to Unclog the Office Toilet without a Plunger

How to Drive a Tank

How to Deal with a Quadruple Blowout

How to Continue Driving on Four Blown Tires

And my personal favorite:

How to Apologize When You Don't Know What You've Done Wrong

I think the funniest part of this book is that many men would consider these to be useful skills. Peanut Head read this book from cover to cover and he thoroughly enjoyed it. I think I even saw him taking notes too.

He's such a nerd.

Wimpy Mania

On a recent trip to Barnes & Noble, the one where I was rendered obsolete, Stinkerbell begged and groveled for me to get her the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books. I had heard that these cartoony-journal books were popular with the tween set, but I didn't really know anything about them until I was forced to preview one for Stinkerbell.

I'm almost ashamed to admit that I thoroughly enjoyed the series. Why, you ask? Well, because the books are full of tween humor. Um, yeah. Humor for the immature and terribly awkward.

I don't know why I'm so surprised.

You're just going to have to pick one up for yourself to understand what I'm talking about. But whatever you do, watch out for the Cheese Touch.

Oops, did I say too much?

Brief Interviews With Hideous Men

Brief Interviews With Hideous Men

by David Foster Wallace

Do you not just love that title? I love that title. I've had this book on my bookshelf for years. Years. I finally picked it up and started reading it, and I don't mind telling you that it was sheer torture for me to read.

I finally gave up about halfway through, and I'm the kind of person that will endure to the end, no matter how painful it is. I paid good money for this book, dang it, and by golly I'm gonna read it! Yes, I'm stubborn too. Well, I couldn't do it this time. I Just. Could Not. Do it. Any. Longer. 

Wallace's style of writing and his subject matter was just too weird for me. It makes me think I must be a bonehead, because this book was on the National Bestseller list. Which means that a lot of people must have liked it, right? He was a little too deep at times, and some of his short stories went on and on and on and on with endless whining. 

So think of this as a public service announcement. If you're curious about this book, get it at the library so you won't kick yourself for buying it.

The Hunger Games

I just finished reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins and I'm so sad that it's over. It's an excellent book and it had me hanging on the edge of my seat almost the entire time. I was so tense, I'm sure I burned some extra calories reading it. I was snapping at my kids and Peanut Head while reading it. I just wanted them to stop talking at me so I could read it. I was a little manic. And no one in the house has any underwear because of it. Oops.

The Hunger Games is about a futuristic reality show in which 24 teenagers are pitted against each other to the death. I'd compare it to Survivor, except it spares us the nauseating drama, and contestants kill each other instead of voting each other out of the game. Oh yeah, and the contestants don't want to be in the game. It's a death sentence.

The games take place in the Capitol of Panem, which is situated in what used to be North America. There are twelve districts outside of the Capitol, and each district is forced to send one boy and one girl between the ages of 12 and 18. These teenagers are the contestants in the annual Hunger Games, which is broadcast live on TV.

You might think this book contains a lot of blood and gore, but it really isn't terribly graphic in that respect. Thankfully. What I think is most fascinating about this book is the philosophical struggles and reasoning, along with the wit that enables contestants to survive past the first day.

I don't want to give anything away, but I feel I should warn you that this book is the first in a trilogy. Ack! The second installment won't be out until September. I'm a little irritated by that because I want to read it now. I just want to be up front about that though, because when you finish this book, you'll be left wanting more. And you'll be mad at me.

Regardless, I think you need to read this book. So go and get it from your library, borrow it from a friend, get it from your local bookstore, or buy it online here:

Just so you know, Mattie Cake recommended this book to me. We trade a lot of books back and forth. She even got me to sign up on Good Reads, which is a cool site to keep track of books you've read, rate them, and share the information with your friends.

Mattie Cake recently gave me a tongue lashing because apparently I give every book five stars. And okay, I admit, last week I added all the Janet Evanovich books I've read and I gave all of them five stars. But I love the Stephanie Plum Bounty Hunter series, so I'm sure they are all five stars. Even though I can't remember all of them exactly. Just to appease Mattie Cake, I went back and rated some of my books, those that I read awhile ago and can't remember so well, with four stars. So, if you see five stars on my Good Reads bookshelf (see sidebar), just check to see if there's a month and year date and that will tell you if I added it right after I read it, or years after I read it in which case I'm probably just talking out my bum. I joined Good Reads in late 2008. Just so you know.

Blogging for Dummies

I recently read this book, Blogging for Dummies. I like the Dummy series of books because they're easy to read and understand. I have a hard time keeping my eyes from glazing over and rolling back into my head when reading technical or historical information, so the format of these books is perfect for me. And okay, I'm a dummy too.

Before I started this blog, I had wanted to start a blog for a long time. The thing that held me back was that I thought I would have to know all sorts of technical gobbledy gook to be able to even attempt it. I even took a Web Pages for Beginners class, and still I was nervous because I didn't think I could load the thing onto my ISP or whatever it is you have to do to actually get it on the internet. I realize that Peanut Head could have helped me, but he gets tired of being roped into my little projects, and then I feel guilty.

It wasn't until Girl Genius, Janae, started a blog and told me how easy it was that I was able to jump in and just give it a try. Janae started with Blogger, so I started with Blogger. Honestly, I haven't looked back since that very first day back in June, and I'm so glad that I did it. I have Janae to thank for her enthusiasm and encouragement. Thanks, Janae!

If you want to start a Blogger blog, go here. You won't even believe how easy it is. Blogger walks you through the whole process. And it's free! And no, I'm not getting paid to tell you about it either. Blogger has no clue that I even exist.

So anyway, I started reading this book, months after I started my blog, in an attempt to learn more about blogging and see how I could make my blog better. There is still some technical information in this book that I didn't feel applied to me and my blogging needs, but I did learn a lot from reading it. And I think it really helped that I already had a blog so that I had some point of reference.

At one point this book talks about blog lurkers. A lurker is someone who looks at blogs, forums, and online discussions, but doesn't choose to participate in them. In spite of the fact that the word "lurk" sounds a little creepy, there's really nothing creepy about lurkers. Before I had a blog, I definitely fell into that category and honestly, I think it's a nice comfortable place to be. Anonymity is comfortable. In fact, according to this book, the vast majority of web users are actually lurkers.

Dang it, we're tired at the end of the day, don't ask us to type. Let me just veg and click, veg and click.

I'm okay with that. I'm just happy you're here. Don't get me wrong, I love comments just like the next person, but if you don't comment, I don't feel compelled to respond, which means I'm not stressing myself out further by my disgusting and increasingly out-of-control e-mail in box. See? Win-win. 

Either way, I'm intensely curious about how many lurkers I have out there, so I would like to ask you to please, for the love of chocolate, go over to my left side bar, under my picture, and just quickly answer my poll about your lurker/not lurker status. If you don't like chocolate, you're a freak, plain and simple, but I still want you to take my poll. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a bit of a freak too, just not that kind of freak . . . a broccoli hugger. Hey, you don't even have to type anything, just click. And it's anonymous. It doesn't get any better than that. Thanking you in advance. The Poll closed 4/1/09.

One of the fun things about starting and maintaining a blog, is tweaking it. There are an infinite number of gadgets and widgets and buttons that you can put on your blog. You can change the format of your blog template, mess with the colors, link to other websites, etc. One important point that I ran into in this book, as well as other Blogging information websites, is that you should keep a current copy of everything in your template in a text file and save it in a safe place on your computer so that you can go back to the original code if necessary.

In fact, I even have a print out of the html code for my blog because I'm paranoid. I have no idea what all that gobbledy gook means, but it makes my blog run so I keep it in case I ever need it. One time I did need it too. Back when I had a two-column template and I was coveting the three-column templates I was seeing all over the blogosphere, I screwed up my blog while trying to get said covetous template and I needed to copy and paste all that gobbledy gook back into my blog. Whew! Was I ever happy to have it. Please don't even ask me how I did the three-column template, just go here to get started on that little adventure.

Wait! Before you go there, go here to learn how to back up your template. Please.

Most of the inner workings of my blog, the really technical stuff, I don't understand at all. And I don't want to know. It's kind of like my car. I don't give a rat's hairy behind what makes it run, but I want to make sure it keeps running, so I keep up the maintenance it needs to ensure that I don't have any unpleasant surprises. I don't want to know what all that hoo ha means. Just tell me what I need to do and don't bore me with the details and we can both get on with our lives. Which is why sites like Blogging Basics 101 even exist. Maybe that sounds irresponsible, but seriously, you can go into a coma from information overload if you don't pick and choose what's going to take up valuable space in your cerebral cortex.

Sometimes I carry that purge thing a little too far. I purge a lot from my brain regularly. Some of it just tips its hat on its way through my brain, in one ear and out the other. No loitering allowed. It's not uncommon for Peanut Head and I to go back to a restaurant and I have to ask him what I ate the last time we were there. He's one of those disgusting people that remembers everything. Important stuff and not so important stuff. Except that he can't remember what I was wearing on our first date. Can you believe that? I will never let him forget it, either.

Blogging Basics 101: Where there are no stupid questions is my go to site for all my blogging related questions. Seriously, how can you not love that title? I can't tell you how much help I've gotten from this site. Sure, it's required that I have multiple windows open at a time while I read the instructions in two word increments, go back to my blog to compare, go back and re-read those two words, go back to my blog, go back again and read two more words, etc., until I've done what it was I went there to learn how to do. I do get the job done eventually though. 

Back to the Blogging for Dummies book. It even has a section about making money through blogging. I was surprised to find that there are people out there that actually make a living blogging. How cool is that? This book doesn't cover everything, but I did learn a lot about blogging by reading it.

Now, you could say that I didn't need a book to learn about blogging and I would have to agree with you. However, I'm the type of person that likes books. It must be the teacher in me. There's something about being able to hold a book, highlight important points and sometimes even make notes in the margins. It helps me to process the information. I love books so much, that when Peanut Head and I have date nights, they always end at Barnes & Noble. That might sound sad to you, but to us, it's bliss. In fact, I bought this book on one of our dates.

My recommendation is that you check out the Blogging Basics 101 site and keep it bookmarked for future questions that come up. Then, if and when you want to read a book about blogging, you might want to pick this one up.

The Little Lady Agency

I just finished reading the Little Lady Agency series, and I'm happy to report that I loved them. Mattie Cake lent them to me, and before I began reading them she changed her mind and wanted to get them back from me because she wasn't sure that I would like them.

That might have been my fault, because I ripped on the Twilight books that she lent me previously. However, I refused to give these books back without reading them first, so I'm hoping she hasn't been sweating it, waiting for my next scathing review.

This British Chick Lit series is written by author Hester Browne. The main character is Melissa, a shy sensible girl who becomes super confident and sexy Honey when she dons her extra strength undergarments and sexy pencil skirts. Honey taps into Melissa's impeccable social skills and connections, and starts marketing her services to single men through her Little Lady Agency.

Melissa/Honey's services are all on the up and up though, as she provides nothing seedy and will not even allow the illusion of impropriety. Mostly she provides wardrobe consultations, coaches men who need to stop biting their nails, helps them out of awkward social situations, and occasionally accompanies them to dinner or the occasional event when they are in need of a charming date. You could say that she's a social skills coach. A pseudo mom whipping the Cretin-like men into shape.

Mostly, Melissa is just funny. She's fascinating to follow around in her day to day dealings with her clients and friends. She's always proper and she has the cutest British accent. 

And I think I know why Mattie Cake likes this series. Melissa finds love. But there are no smoldering eyes in these books, which is why I found them palatable. They're a fun read, so I think you should check them out.

Twilight Blog Button

I scoured the internet looking for this blog button when I was writing my Twilight post. Then this morning when I was reading my favorite blogs, I found it over at Darlene's Days. I know a lot of you out there love Twilight, so take this if you'd like, and then head over to Darlene and give her some love.

Trashing the Twilight Series

Yes, you read that title right. I am going to trash the Twilight series just a little bit, but then I'm gonna give it some love. So if you are "one of those Twilight people," don't get your panties all in a bunch. Yet.

First I'll start by saying that my BFF, Mattie Cake, loves these books. She loves them so much that she made me read them. Well, not made, but encouraged vociferously.

All the books are definitely a fast read, I'll give them that, and they are written well for sure . . . but . . . how shall I say this?

They are dang sappy and romancey and full of ushy gooshy ick.

Which is not a bad thing necessarily, if you like that kind of stuff, I'm just not really into that. Probably because I'm suspicious by nature.

When I started this series, I found myself hyper aware of Meyers' choice of words, which is kind of annoying when you're trying to read a book. You're supposed to just get lost in the book while reality quickly falls away from your consciousness.

Laundry? I don't have any stinkin' laundry to do. Wear those underwear again, they'll hold up.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

I found that sweet escape impossible though, because she kept beating me over the head with the word smolder. Meyer uses this word often throughout the series, usually in reference to Edward's and Bella's smoldering eyes.

Seriously, what?!! Who says that? Ever?

It's so over the top that it made me vomit a little bit in the back of my mouth every time I read it. Which, I'm unhappy to report was often, especially in the earlier books.

And then there's the whole Bella character. She just grates on my nerves. She's so . . . uninteresting and floating through life with no goals or interests.

Unless you count doing her homework immediately and on time. And cooking dinner for her Dad every night which I found a lit-tle bit creepy. It was like she was his mother or something. Ick.

I read a book review in my local paper that summed up my feelings about Bella exactly. It stated that "Bella has less ambition than a Disney Princess."

I read this and I exclaimed "YES! That's it! That's why I hate her!"

Well, hate is a strong word. She irritates me, that's all.

However, I recently finished the last book in the series, Breaking Dawn, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that Bella actually starts to develop a personality.

I think it's because she becomes a mother.

Becoming a mother makes you a little bit crazy. And I'm speaking for myself here, of course, but I'm sure there are others out there who can relate. Anyway, my point is, crazy can make you more interesting.

Right?

But I liked Bella in this book and there was no vomiting in the back of my mouth. At all.

And I think the word smoldering was only used once in this book, and it wasn't connected to eyes, it was something else. I'd go look for the exact phrase, but the book is like 750 pages long and I just don't have that much free time.

All that being said, I really enjoyed Breaking Dawn, the last book in the series. I think it was the best of all four books, and I was a little sad when I was done with it.

I think poor Mattie Cake was a little hurt that I was retching and gagging over the first few books, but I hope to redeem myself with this post.

How about it Mattie Cake? Do you forgive me?

ADDENDUM: Wouldn't you know, after this post went up and some of you all commented, AdSense went and plunked a Twilight add on my blog. I saw it twice, when I clicked to read the comments. One time it was at the end of the comments, and another it was on my upper right sidebar. Go figure.

The Guy Not Taken

I recently read The Guy Not Taken by Jennifer Weiner. I love her books and this one is no exception.

It's a collection of short stories that Weiner has written throughout the years, since she was in college. Her fiction falls into the category of Chick Lit, which is one of my favorites because I don't have to think, yet it's not romance sappy, which I find hard to stomach at times. 

I learn stuff when I read Weiner's books because she's just so dang smart. In this particular book I learned a new vocabulary word, oeuvre, although I'm sure I couldn't pronounce it to save my life, even after spending 5 minutes with the pronunciation key in my expanded dictionary. It's French, I know that.

Because I know you're dying to know the definition, I'm going to tell you. If  you know, just pretend you don't, okay? An oeuvre is a substantial body of work constituting the lifework of a writer, an artist, or a composer. Now that I think about it, I think I've heard it before in reference to classical music.

Here's how Weiner uses oeuvre: I mowed my way through June and July, reading the entire oeuvre of Judith Krantz in my spare time in the air-conditioned library . . . I find this pretty hilarious as oeuvre sounds like such a snotty word and doesn't really partner well in reference to Judith Krantz novels. I think this was Weiner's intention.

The other thing I learned is what JDate means. When I first read it I thought to myself, What are the young kids doing these days? Because I'm so old, you know. I had to Google it because it sounded kind of kinky, and I didn't want to embarrass myself by asking someone.

In case you are as clueless as I,  JDate is a Jewish Singles Network.

Anyway, since there are so many stories in this book, I can't really sum it up easily. What I can do is recommend it to you. It was a quick read and very enjoyable. Check it out.

Garden Spells--A Great Read

My friend and fellow cropper, Renee, passed this book along to me and I couldn't resist sharing it.  The book is Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen, and it is a fantastic read.

I read most of it on the beach at Bear Lake this weekend, interrupted by my kids every half a paragraph, and I still devoured it.  And . . . nobody drowned. Well, at least not my kids, for whom I was directly responsible.

So, to say that it is a quick read is an understatement.  This was one of those rare books that I was sorry to finish because I was left wanting more.

I don't want to ruin the book for you all, so I'll just tell you a teensy bit about it.  The book is about the Waverley family, particularly the Waverley women, who all have peculiar gifts. Most amusing is Evanelle, who is frequently compelled to give people odd little gifts which her bewildered recipients end up needing shortly after receiving them.

Also amusing is the apple tree in the Waverleys' yard that bears fruit year-round.  When people eat apples off this tree, they will be shown the most important event in their lives--good or bad. Naturally, the Waverleys want to keep people, well most people, from eating the apples from the tree, so they bury all the apples that fall from it.  The tree, however, has a mind of its own and has been known to pelt people with its own apples.  

If I were the Waverleys' tree, I would throw this book at you in hopes that you would read it, it's that good.