Monday, January 8, 2018

Dog Stalker

This is our dog, Gunny Sergeant. We never call him by his full name because look at that face.

My name is Jill, and I'm a Dog Stalker.

It all started innocently enough. Peanut Head and I were fretting about what to get our spawn for Christmas, when Zoe Bug showed us the following video commercial.

You really have to watch it to get a full appreciation of its awesomeness. My favorite part is 53-56 seconds in when the Dog Mom's coworker is looking at her like she has completely lost her mind.

I can really relate to that part.

Once we watched this video, we knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that our household needed this product. You see, the last couple of years the Bunnery Sergeant has been spoiled rotten and has been allowed to stay inside whilst his family treks off to work and school. We feel sorry for him because it's so c-c-c-o-o-o-old outside. And windy. And the house is cozy and warm.

I should mention that Peanut Head's heart does not soften like ours, and he scolds us for letting the Bunny Man stay inside.

If loving a dog is wrong, then we don't want to be right.

It would be just fine and dandy if Gunny Bun Bun weren't such a Mr. Naughty Pants. You see, he sleeps on the couch when we're not at home.

I know, I know, it's horrifying.

I also know that many of his peers regularly sleep on their couches, but in this house it's 100% unauthorized behavior. Maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal if he were cat sized and didn't lick his goodies. But it is because he isn't and he does.

So, see a need, fill a need is how this story goes. The Furbo is basically a spy cam for dog parents. And it is So. Much. Fun.

As soon as we set it up, we ran into another room and started calling to Gunny Bun Bun through the app to call his attention to the strange, new device.

Honestly, he was not amused, but once we got his attention, we launched a treat at him so as to hook him.


Gunny Man turned with a goofy, suspicious look on his face. Actually, he was slightly terrified so he swooped in for the treat and ran away with his shifty eyes darting around.

We've spent a lot of time launching treats at Gunny in order to get him comfortable with his new friend. In fact, we launched, or maybe I should say "tossed" so many treats to him that we ran out and had to start filling it with cat food.

Cat food because he loves cat food, and he would not be impressed if we launched dog food at him because, obviously, he's a dog and that is so yesterday.

The only problem with cat food is that it's too small, so instead of launching a piece of cat food, it instead peppers him with a shrapnel spray of cat food. In every direction.

If he wasn't afraid of the Furbo before, he sure is now. His current MO is to dart in to Hoover the cat food up, and then dart out to the other room in order to escape the incessant coos of his people.

Several times a day we get notifications on our phones that tell us "Your dog is barking. Would you like to see what's going on?" 

Um, yeah. 

So whichever one of us can be discreetly available pulls up the Furbo app, and gets the 411. Typically the cattle ranching operation next door to us has arrived to feed their cows. As you can imagine, Gunny simply cannot allow that to happen without attempting to give himself an embolism via a fit of barking.

Other times the UPS man has delivered a package, thereby throwing Gunny into a hysterical fit of barking. I've tried to explain to the Bunnery Sergeant that no one is ever sad to see the UPS man. It just doesn't happen. He's not the brightest bulb in the box though, so we're still working on that one.

Early this afternoon I pulled up the app just to see what Gunny was up to and I actually caught him  climbing up onto the couch for a long winter's nap. Which then prompted a lot of "Gunny! Get off the couch you B-A-A-A-A-D Dog." At which point he thrust his head under a couch pillow because if he can't see us, we obviously can't see him.

And I'm not too proud to admit that the Furbo is not just for dogs. Peanut Head and I were taunting our girls with it last weekend while they were watching a movie. We were unable to get their attention by calling their names, so we tried barking at them like tiny, hysterical poodles.

That worked. Zoe got up off the couch and came and peered into the camera. And that was the perfect moment to launch a spray of cat food shrapnel. Score!

Then, because it was sweet little Zoe Bug, she went to get a broom to start sweeping the mess up. Once we saw the broom, you guessed it, launch number two.

I seriously love that kid.

Finally Gunny wised up and ran in to assist, exclaiming "My job! My job! Back away, Sister Girl!"

I seriously love that dog.