Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Trashing the Twilight Series

Yes, you read that title right. I am going to trash the Twilight series just a little bit, but then I'm gonna give it some love. So if you are "one of those Twilight people," don't get your panties all in a bunch. Yet.

First I'll start by saying that my BFF, Mattie Cake, loves these books. She loves them so much that she made me read them. Well, not made, but encouraged vociferously.

All the books are definitely a fast read, I'll give them that, and they are written well for sure . . . but . . . how shall I say this?

They are dang sappy and romancey and full of ushy gooshy ick.

Which is not a bad thing necessarily, if you like that kind of stuff, I'm just not really into that. Probably because I'm suspicious by nature.

When I started this series, I found myself hyper aware of Meyers' choice of words, which is kind of annoying when you're trying to read a book. You're supposed to just get lost in the book while reality quickly falls away from your consciousness.

Laundry? I don't have any stinkin' laundry to do. Wear those underwear again, they'll hold up.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

I found that sweet escape impossible though, because she kept beating me over the head with the word smolder. Meyer uses this word often throughout the series, usually in reference to Edward's and Bella's smoldering eyes.

Seriously, what?!! Who says that? Ever?

It's so over the top that it made me vomit a little bit in the back of my mouth every time I read it. Which, I'm unhappy to report was often, especially in the earlier books.

And then there's the whole Bella character. She just grates on my nerves. She's so . . . uninteresting and floating through life with no goals or interests.

Unless you count doing her homework immediately and on time. And cooking dinner for her Dad every night which I found a lit-tle bit creepy. It was like she was his mother or something. Ick.

I read a book review in my local paper that summed up my feelings about Bella exactly. It stated that "Bella has less ambition than a Disney Princess."

I read this and I exclaimed "YES! That's it! That's why I hate her!"

Well, hate is a strong word. She irritates me, that's all.

However, I recently finished the last book in the series, Breaking Dawn, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that Bella actually starts to develop a personality.

I think it's because she becomes a mother.

Becoming a mother makes you a little bit crazy. And I'm speaking for myself here, of course, but I'm sure there are others out there who can relate. Anyway, my point is, crazy can make you more interesting.


But I liked Bella in this book and there was no vomiting in the back of my mouth. At all.

And I think the word smoldering was only used once in this book, and it wasn't connected to eyes, it was something else. I'd go look for the exact phrase, but the book is like 750 pages long and I just don't have that much free time.

All that being said, I really enjoyed Breaking Dawn, the last book in the series. I think it was the best of all four books, and I was a little sad when I was done with it.

I think poor Mattie Cake was a little hurt that I was retching and gagging over the first few books, but I hope to redeem myself with this post.

How about it Mattie Cake? Do you forgive me?

ADDENDUM: Wouldn't you know, after this post went up and some of you all commented, AdSense went and plunked a Twilight add on my blog. I saw it twice, when I clicked to read the comments. One time it was at the end of the comments, and another it was on my upper right sidebar. Go figure.


  1. I think you should write reviews more often for books. You crack me up with this post. Standing by for future book reviews! :) Happy New Year Jill!

  2. Great review!! I think I am the only person on the planet who hasn't cracked these books open:-()

  3. Okay, you are going to make me read these things. I have heard people talk about them before but after your review I may just have to pick them up to read. :)

  4. I have not read them yet and have been wondering if I should to be part of all the hoopla. My daughter got the third book for Christmas and seems to love them, but then again, she is 14. A friend of mine compared them to the Harry Potter books, and I can't imagine them being as good as those. It was refreshing to hear and honest opinion about them for a change. :-)

  5. Whatever you do, don't go see the movie. You'll be full out vomiting by the time you leave the theater...

  6. I agree with Karen.....don't go see the movie. I LOVED it but then I LOVED the books...must be kinda into the sappy romance-y type huh! I just think you liked that last one cause of all those torn up

    It was definitely fun to read your review and I do think you need to review more books for us.

  7. I am almost finished with the last one. I think it's the best. I actually have limited my reading so it will last longer haha. I am already trying to figure out what to read next.

    Happy New Year!

  8. It's so over the top that it made me vomit a little bit in the back of my mouth every time I read it.

    hahaha! i about peed in my pants when i read this. HILARIOUS!

  9. I second the above comment. Smoldering eyes indeed! I skimmed the first novel to see what it was all about............basically your average Disney 'someday my 100-year-old-bloodsucking-Harvard-educated-incredibly wealthy-smolderingly-handsome' prince will come type of thing.

    I couldn't make it past the '100-year-old-bloodsucking' part, although I'm into the rest of it. ;-)


  10. awesome. Loved your review. I do think I'm a 14 yr old inside because I did love the books. I'm not usually into the romancy gushy stuff but I was into these. I liked the movie a lot too. Though, even I have to admit it had some cheesy parts (the baseball scene where they encounter the "other" can we all just say CORNY right now and get it over with? Their stances were RIDICULOUS! But other than that...super great movie!) ha ha

    I love your blog. I also have a thing for kids books and am a control freak trying to live with 7 other people that are messy marvins. ;)

  11. p.s. the comment above was from me, RhondaLue, at

    not sure why I can't post as myself today.

  12. I loved them, I have to admit. I guess I'm all about a little mush. Didn't know if I loved the movie. I am going to go see it again when it's at the Paramount.

  13. I'm a Twilight junkie and loved every smoldering minute of it. (Sorry just had to throw that word in there for ya!) I think the third book was my favorite. I couldn't decide who I loved more, Edward or Jacob. Have you seen the movie??

  14. I love your blog! This was a great post and made me laugh. I am on the third book right now. I am enjoying them for the most part, but I agree with you about Bella. She irritates me as well :)

  15. I still haven't read the series and now, I may not. Frankly I don't have it in my to give a series FOUR books to get into. I applaud you (really and truly, I do) for giving it that much time. Thank you for saving me, now I can go read other good stuff!

    Oh, and I agree, you need to do more book reviews! I laughed and laughed, and hadn't even read the books! :)

    Cheers, Kiy

  16. So glad I read this :)

    I will admit, I agree with you on Bella until the last book...she turned it around for me...and she was so kick ass, right?

    I loved how you said suspicious by nature and it's exactly how I am with love.

    But I will say I developed a freak crush on Edward.

    Sigh. What's a girl to do?