Wednesday, July 23, 2008

LOST . . . in a Concrete Jungle

This was my Mother's Day gift this year, and man, did I need it. I can't navigate my way out of a wet paper bag. Oh, I can read a map just fine, but I'm lacking that internal compass that Peanut Head seems to have. That lucky duck. I have always needed a point of reference (mountains, river, whatever) to be able to figure out where I am. Since maps are oriented with north at the top, I have to orient myself north to be able to read them. I'm not kidding. If I'm facing, say west, I cannot make that mental adjustment. I don't know if it's a spatial skill thing, of which I am sadly lacking, or what, but I suck at it.

So the GPS is my friend and I love it. One of my favorite features is being able to find the closest Starbuck's or In 'N Out Burger, or whatever. And by the way, since I've been in California for nine days now, I've eaten at In 'N Out three times. I know, it's pathetic, but I don't have an In 'N Out at home so I have to get my fix while I can.

Furthermore, since I've been on this trip with Thing One and Thing Two, without Compass Man, I've not had to stop and ask for directions at all. I am Perpetually Lost Girl no more.

So why the title "Lost . . . in a Concrete Jungle" you ask? Ha ha. Now that's a funny story. I got to my mom's house last night and decided that I was going to go on a run because I'd been laying around, getting no exercise, for over a week. I took my mom's dog, Hobbes, aka Hobbity Bobbity Boo, because he loves to get out. That and it was dark and he's big and has a real deep voice. He sounds vicious too.

So, we're out getting our exercise, I finish my 30 minutes, and we start walking back to my mom's house, letting Hobbity do his thing on the way. Walking, walking, walking . . . WHERE THE HECKITO AM I? I got a little . . . . hmmmm . . . disoriented. Oh crap. No cell phone, I don't know my mom's number, I DON'T HAVE MY GPS!!!!!

After my initial freak out fit, I kept the panic at bay for about an hour while I walked around the neighborhood north of my mom's house, chanting, "But it was RIGHT HERE!" It's getting later, everyone is in bed so I'm scared to ring somebody's doorbell and confess what a dork I am, so I just keep walking in circles, trying to sort out the ball of yarn that is my internal compass. Sad, sad, sad.

When suddenly, DA DA DA DUM! Compass Dog to the rescue! Hobbity, I guess, becomes disgusted with my pathetic sense of direction and starts dragging me where he knows he lives. Here he is, MY HERO.

I never knew he was so smart. Sweet, yes. Doofy, yes. Smart? Apparently. Hobbity saved me. He took me home, he snorted how disgusted he was with me to my mom as we walked in the door, and he went to take a nap. We had been gone for two hours. My mom was worried, my kids were worried, Hobbes was disgusted.

"No, no, NOOOOOOO! I am never letting you put a leash on me again! Get away!"

So that's that. I'm going to have to sneak up on him and put the leash on the next time I want to go. I may have to carry him, but I'm not leaving the house without him EVER!


  1. I'm glad Hobbes came to your rescue. I never knew this little "lost" tidbit about you.... Now I know why you love living in a city you can get across in 15 minutes. (ha ha) Suz

  2. omg, that's so funny. ;)

    and the first part of this post where you talk about having to face north when holding a map reminded me of the Friends episode when they are in London and Joey puts the map on the ground and steps on it to try and figure out where he is and where he's going...

    you can see it here:

  3. I little pilot trick...
    point the map north, aka turn it so it's the same way as you. Sometimes makes reading the streets difficult as they're upside-down, but turn it as you turn and it should always be true!