Monday, November 10, 2008

Dog Nose

This is Sammie, our vicious pooch. She's not enjoying herself, and it's all my fault.

You see, Sammie reeks. Not only does Sammie reek, but she has gas that can peel the paint off walls.

I'm not exaggerating here. I know I like to exaggerate, but I'm not exaggerating right now.

Prior to having kids, I wouldn't have minded so much, but for some strange biological reason, pregnancy and childbirth has not only wreaked havoc on my body, but it has changed my ability to smell.

I now have a super keen sense of smell, otherwise known as Dog Nose.

Blood Hound Dog Nose to be exact.

I can smell things I never could have smelled before. Things I don't want to smell, mind you.

It's so bad, that one day I called the fire department because I smelled gas that no one else in this house could. I had four firemen in my house, completely decked out in their gear, walking around my house with their carbon dioxide detector or whatever the heck it was, looking for the source of the gas smell.

They never found it, but dang it, I smelled it, and I know I smelled it.

And I got the distinct impression that they thought I called them out entirely for my own amusement. As if. Why would I want firemen in my house?

My Dog Nose is even worse when I'm ovulating. Why, for crying out loud, is this?

So, since I have this freakish Dog Nose, Sammie had to have a bath. Sister Girl's bouquet was just too ripe, and if she didn't have a bath, she was going to be sleeping outside.

Lucky for Peanut Head (because he's the official dog washer in this house) we have a nifty new Pet Wash that sprouted up near our house. The Pet Wash is situated between several car wash bays, and I have to tell you, it is the neatest thing.

Sammie seems to disagree.

Doesn't she look miserable?

She'll never again have a bath in the comfort of her own home. That's right, Girlfriend. No more shaking your reekish, stinky bouquet all over my bathroom.

From now on, you get to walk your hairy, geriatric self up the rubber lined ramp at the Pet Wash.

Check this out, the pet wash is run just like a car wash. You don't need to be taking any shampoo, or conditioner, or even a towel with you. You just run that stinky dog right through all the settings and she will be squeaky clean.

It even has a de-skunk setting. I wish I would have pushed that one while we were there. I'm curious to see what comes out. Maybe next time.

So anyway, you put your money or your debit card in and then just start pushing the buttons for the setting you need. Whatever you want will come out of the end of the hose.

They even have hoses for you to vacuum your dog and blow them dry. Sammie was not impressed.

I am so going to get my revenge. They are going to pay for this.

There's even a rubber mat so Sister Girl doesn't slip and fall.

And a chain to tie her to the sink in case she tries to run.

Not that she could go anywhere, because we were in an enclosed room and she doesn't have opposable thumbs.

I'm in my happy place. My happy place. My H-A-A . . . .

Whoa Lassie! What the heckito is THAT?!!!!!

You keep that wind away from my girlie bits, Mister!

I am going to poop on your carpet when we get home.


  1. Poor Sammie!

    What a cool idea for a shower... will it work for kids too?????

  2. That IS the neatest thing!! Whoever invented that is a genius!!

  3. I SO LOVE the sign that says use the disinfectant for the sink only, NOT the dog! I know you were tempted, but were obviously too busy documenting the process!!! That's too funny!


  4. Now that is the COOLEST thing ever!!!

  5. Poor Sammie... But what a cool dog wash!

  6. awwww its SAMMY! doogie doesnt look too happy in the pics. LOL


  7. You killed me with this post! I am right there with you nose became quite aware of all smells after my second pregoness.... But the doggy wash was enough to give me tears to my eyes! Have a great week!

  8. New to your blog, stumbled on it by accident and now you never ever going to get rid of me! (bwahahaha)

    This post rocks, mainly as I have a puplet too and I could just hear Sammie saying these things and my little guy nodding in agreement. Especially the last picture/comment.

    Fun times, thanks for the belly laugh on a cold Monday morning!


  9. make me laugh. I love the pet wash idea. Is that the new purple/green pet wash of the corner?

  10. Okay, now that was funny. That is the coolest thing I have seen in a while. I need one of those near me. :) And man I totally understand the super sense of smell. For some reason I always had a pretty keen sense of smell but when I got preggo it got even worse. Drives me insane!

  11. Haha, that's hilarious! We need one of those in Dallas,that's great!

  12. Suz, I did think about running the kids through here, but you know my mom works for CPS and she reads this blog.

    SouthernInspiration, I thought that sign was hilarious too. I was thinking "Is that really necessary?" Then I remembered about McDonald's and the whole coffee-is-hot-don't-burn-yourself-and-sue incident. It's necessary, okay.

    Everyone else, thank you for your sweet comments. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed this post. Thanks for the love. :)

  13. My dogs don't like to get a bath either. This is cool! I'll have to see if there's one in my town. I jumped over from Darlene's Days and wanted you to know how much I loved your comment about getting animals spayed or neutered. I wish people were more educated about the terrible problem of homeless animals and realized they are part of the problem by allowing their pets to have babies. It makes me so angry and so sad.

  14. Janet,
    Yes, it's the in the new car wash on the corner right by our subdivision.

  15. thanks for the glad you're an Obama girl.
    I too have a good smeller. Especially when I was pregnant! My husband would tease me and ask if I could smell that rose down the street. pun intended.