Friday, July 31, 2009


I think I've mentioned before that Zoe Bug is a horse fanatic.

Well, Peanut Head and I are, apparently, dumber than a box of rocks because we sent her to Horse Camp this week. Yeah. For her birthday last month, we thought it would be a great idea to put her in Horse Camp and nip this crazy infatuation right in the bud.

Yeah, we were secretly hoping that she would get up on a horse and freak out and never want to go back again. Because she's such a Delicate Flower and easily alarmed and discombobulated.

Yeah, well that. It backfired on us.

But then you probably could have told us that, right? Oh geez, she's even crazier about horses now, and instead of being grateful for the experience, she's walking around the house tripping over her bottom lip and crying a river of crocodile tears because we won't get her a horse.

In our defense, we got her these nifty boots. Aren't they great?

Apparently not great enough.

Zoe informed us that "At Parkwood there are lots of horses for sale that we could buy."

And when you look at the fine print in the brochure it informs us that we can also, after we spend probably thousands of dollars to buy a horse, board it there for the low, low monthly price of $560. And that includes two lessons per week!


We're so excited.

Whatever. That's practically a mortgage, Girlfriend. We ain't buying you no horse.

EV-ah. Get a job Girlie Girl.

Seriously, at Horse Camp they have to do the yucky stuff too. Like bathe the horses and poop scoop. And you come home smelling like a horse. No lie.

You would think the ginormous poop piles alone would deter a girl. They don't.

So I was talking to another mom at Parkwood and I asked her "So, I notice that there are no boys around here. Is that typical?"

She chuckled and said "Yep, you don't have to worry about boys here. This keeps them away from the boys."

Oh Goodie.

This mom I was talking to has two girls taking lessons twice a week at Parkwood. And they have two horses at Parkwood. Hmmmm.

I can't even imagine. I told Zoe Bug that if we ever win the lottery, and we don't even play the lottery because we're reasonably good at math and and we just can't seem to shake our Probability Skillz long enough to buy a ticket, well then, maybe then we could buy her a horse and board it at Parkwood.

More than likely though, some fine day we'll be able to move out into the country where we can board our own horse on our own land. And instead of taking lessons from people who clearly know what they're doing, we'll learn how to ride the poor horse in our own little School of Hard Knocks and Crap I Fell Off Again, I Better Not Do That Anymore.

At least I think that's how it'll work. We'll probably read a lot of books about it too. I mean we don't want to hurt a poor innocent horse.

But for now we sure as heck cannot afford the whole Boarding/Lessons bit.

So, except for an occasional horse back riding treat here and there, Zoe Bug is going to have to be satisfied with her imagination and her 8,567 plastic horses.

Which we're also getting pretty tired of. I don't really know how it happened (Aunt Marcia and Mattie Cake and the rest of the blasted family), but when Zoe has every single horse in her arsenal out, there is no room to walk. Anywhere. 

Which, in itself can be sort of fun.

"Oh no, Godzilla is on the rampage again and LOOK! There's the Baby Jesus riding a Pterodactyl and HE'S GOING TO BUZZ THE BARN AGAIN! Watch out HORSES!"

Zoe is never amused.

And I'm thinking we might need to call PETA. Those cramped stalls don't look like they're up to code. And there are Giant Iguanas stalking the perimeter.

Eek! And a . . . 


Little Pony.


  1. How funny that you are writing about horses today because I just returned from taking Emma to a "look around" at a local place that gives horseriding lessons! She was so disappointed to find out that she wouldn't be riding anything at the time, but that we were just "looking". After we got home though, she did thank me for taking her there & wondered when we would start! By the way, she did also ask about getting a horse for the umpteenth time & was equally disappointed when the answer was still, "Well, it costs a lot of money to buy a horse, feed a horse, shelter a horse, exercise the horse, blah, blah, blah." I think she gets it, but I'm sure she'll be asking again in a couple of days! Thanks again for your clever & funny posts! I was laughing out loud! Erin

  2. WOW... you know how to spell discombobulated!

  3. BTW, I love the picture of Zoe on the horse! I bet she'll cherish that moment forever!

  4. Oh, horse camp only fuels the obsession. (I know, I went when I was 11. Best camp ever!)

    What is it about girls and horses?

  5. YAY! I finally have a good argument for you moving here! There are HORSES!!

    Mind you, they are not mine, and I live in the city but there are horses right outside my back yard!

    My dog is always barking at them to come play, but they are not amused. They are snobby and don't even give her the time of day. boo horseys boo!

    I have a photo I an post on my blog soon! Maybe on Wednesday! :)

  6. I was a Horse Person (capital H, capital P) when I was a kid, too. When I was ten my parents tried quashing my obsession by making me muck out stalls to pay for lessons from the girl up the street. 4 days a week after school I'd sweat and slave and haul way too heavy wheelbarrows full of poop (there should be another word for that - poop doesn't begin to describe what a horse can do when he sets his mind to it) in exchange for one breathtaking hour astride Jezebel, a knocked-up, lazy mare with a 'tude.

    I remember one particularly spectacular day when I was wearing white shorts and a white shirt (stop judging me, it was the '90s and I was TEN), and it had been drizzling rain all day. I took one misplaced step and (squelch) went sailing chest-first into a lovely, fresh pile of poop. Thank you, Jezebel.

    The moral of the story? I happily squeegeed myself off, picked up the shovel, and kept going back 4 days a week for another year and a half. You're in for it, hon, sorry. :)

    but you are an AWESOME mom for the horsey camp!

  7. Wow did you introduce her to horses at all? You know who she sounds like don't! Well of course I started much younger with my Dad riding too but still. I saved up my money and when I was 15 I bought my own horse but of course my Dad and step mom paid the board but it was only $250/month. Yes $560 is a lot even around here I can board for $250 in a pasture...that is probably for the horse to have it's own stall which is silly because horses are heard animals and like to be around other horses NOT a box.
    I learned something new today! Now I know what to send her for a gift next time....Aria loves horses too! We are going home in August...too bad we won't see you at Christmas would love to meet the girls. Maybe next time or if you ever make it out here to VA. D.C. is only 30 minutes from us!

  8. Thanks for reminding me not to do horse camp. The Midge loves horses too and the last thing I need is a living breathing horse to take care of.

  9. That is too funny!!! I love your story telling and that is a great one:-)

  10. What a funny story. I think I could have told you horse camp wouldn't work, my sister was obsessed with horses. So, my mum sent us both to a horse camp, my sister loved it and I (who didn't really give two hoots about horses) hated it passionately. Obviously, if it's horses, it's horses.

  11. Have you thought about asking if Parkwood has school horses? The best way for a child to learn safely is to take regular lessons on a safe, trained horse. There's no need to actually BUY a horse in order to do that.

    Then if Zoe sticks with it, you can often lease a horse further down the road. This costs a bit more than just paying for lessons, but nowhere near as much as actually buying a horse. Zoe will be able to ride more often and she'll ride the same horse each time, helping her build a relationship. She'll also get a chance to learn tons about horse care. And as a bonus, someone else is responsible for the farrier, feed and medical bills. (Btw, the person who invented the phrase "Healthy as a horse" has CLEARLY never owned a horse!)

    As for learning by falling off and trying not to do it again, I wouldn't recommend it. It sounds fine and many of us fell off a lot as kids, but the potential for injury is huge and it can really kill a kid's confidence. It's much better to build up Zoe's skill and confidence on a safe school horse before letting her loose on her own.

    And if in the future you decide to buy a horse, PLEASE have Zoe's regular teacher help you pick an appropriate one. There's a lot of work and knowledge involved with owning a horse and they have as many different personalities as people do. But a horse that's a good match will be her best friend for a long time And as a bonus, when she's a teenager she won't be hanging at the mall--she'll be at the barn!

  12. I am so glad that you have caught the horse disease. Now, can I send you everything we bought when WE had a daughter with the horse disease???? Please??? Pretty Please??? P.L.E.A.S.E.

  13. Hahahahaha! I really enjoy your humor with this issue! And i can only imagine that those horses cost an arm and a leg!

  14. least you are keep a sense of humor about it. Love the pink boots btw.

  15. That's so great! Have her see if she can do some work around the stables to pay for lessons. Oh, and there is a good chance the horse disease may never pass.

    I'm 27 and STILL have it. I practically squee when I see them and love petting and feeding and snuggling with them and if I get to ride, holy cow, the world is coming to an end!

    We just moved out into the country and have pasture area, so someday....someday a horse will live there.

    I believe.

  16. Wow... I wish you were *MY* mom! I'd LOVE to go to horse camp! I love the play stuff... my little one isn't that meticulous.