Monday, December 19, 2011

Not Even Google Can Help Me Help My Stupid Self

I'm happy to report that since I added "Move the Ding Dang Elf" to my To Do List, I have not missed moving Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater once.

If only that were the end of the story. It. Never. Is.

Remember how I told you that I turned to Google to help me? Well, about that. I, uh [cough] forgot to erase the search window wherein I typed "What do I do when I forget to move the Elf?"

Technically I didn't forget, because really I don't even know how to do that, but I certainly did forget to connect the dots and realize that my eight year old was going to see my query the next time she picked up my BFF to Google something.


Yes, she saw it and then she got that knowing little smirk on her face that screams "Parent! I know you're Santa Claus, so just stop with the fantasies and lies."

That one.

Thankfully she's smart enough to keep it to herself, because she knows that Santa brings underwear to Unbelievers. Ugly underwear that fit too tight and bind in unfortunate places.

I've been having a little too much fun with Peter and naughty behavior. It's right up my alley.

I even have a maniacal laugh to accompany my antics. I bet you wish you could hear it.

Peter Potomus showed up on the kitchen table one day with a little surprise.

What's that?

A note? Oh goody! I love notes. 

That's what I exclaim in class every time I intercept what I hope is a love note. Spring is coming and it does not disappoint.

We have a bit of a history in our house with fictitious characters leaving threatening notes to our children.

My bad.

Let's read this one, shall we?

I'll read it to you, just in case you can't make out my little Elf's teensy tiny writing.

Dear Annika and Zoe,

Zoe, stop making such a big mess with your horses. Also, stop whining so much, it's really annoying. You should also try to be nicer to people. Annika, you have to stop being so grouchy in the mornings. You should stop playing so many video games. To both of you, stop arguing and fighting so much. If you girls don't follow my rules you'll be on the naughty list. I'll be reporting to Santa again.



P.S. Don't make your mom mad.


Disclaimer for Copyright Infringement: One of my sweet, angelic sixth graders wrote the above note for me. Although she retains artistic license, I paid her with an Air Head.


  1. *SNORT* Mwahahahaaa!! I think this is best Elf on a Shelf post I have ever seen, I love that letter! Fabulous, just fabulous.

    Merry Christmas!

  2. LOL that was funny! My daughter bought a Elf on the Shelf for her daughther (who is 4) and she named is snowflake and I have gone as to call my granddaughter on the phone and pretend that I am snowflake and that I am watching her to make sure she is being good :-) I know I can get away with it now since she is only 4. When she gets older um not so much :-)

  3. Its nice to know I'm not the only "mean mom" out there. I sent both my daughters a video from Santa via Portal North Pole. You can choose if they're on the naughty or nice list. I put them on the naughty list so they have something to work for. My mom told me I was terrible and would make them cry. They sucked it up and have been trying harder to get on the nice list.

  4. Hahahaha loved this post! Laughing at the Santa bringing really tight underwear if you stop believing!! x

  5. I would most definitely write the note... IF we had an elf... Thank God we never started that!!

    As for Spring Love Notes... I can't wait to hear.... The most recent note I found (remember it's Middle School & a large portion of our population is Spanish speaking)... It was a cheat sheet of sorts with words & phrases in Spanish. One side had 'Good Words' the other had 'Bad Words'... reeeaally bad words... the funniest one was 'I like fat girls' then the same in Spanish... lol

  6. So that's why you had Leti write things in different sizes. Very clever! =]

  7. I LOVE the elf making snow angels!!!

    May have to "adopt" that as next years Christmas card!!!

    I absolutely enjoy your stories!!! Many years of joy...I have the three boys...24, 21,18!!!! Just hope they carry on the fun we created for them... :-) cheers...another "mean" mom

  8. I love this. What a cute "love" letter. I must get me an elf for next year. Love that tradition.