Thursday, November 19, 2009

There's a Snake in Mah Boot!

Funny story. I was in my classroom this morning, not ten minutes after the tardy bell rang, and our school librarian comes in to tell me that the girls' school is on the phone because my daughter had snuck a snake to school.


That was my first alarming thought. Just back up the bus and run over me again, because I thought I just heard you say that my daughter took a snake to school.

My second and third thoughts came hurtling right after that first one, and they went something like this.

1) The snake is not real. It can't be real.
2) This has Stinkerbell's name written all over it.

I told my sweet librarian that there is no way my daughter could have a snake in her backpack and that somebody needed to look a little closer because we don't have a snake, we don't have access to any snakes, and we don't like snakes. Or something like that. 

So the librarian goes back to the office and then comes back just a few minutes later. At this point she can hardly contain her laughter so she gestures for me to step into the hallway. Apparently the snake is real, and my daughter is afraid to talk to me because she thinks I'm going to freak out.

Really? Me?

Darn straight I'm going to freak out. I'm already formulating the tongue lashing and its accompanying can of whoop *%$ in my mind.

"You had your school call my school and pull me out of my classroom to hear that you snuck a snake to school and I'm not supposed to freak out? Really?"

So I go to the office to talk to the other school. By the time I get there, someone has managed to gather their wits about them and investigate further to find that, yes, the snake is really rubber. RUB. BER. 

Yep. The snake is rubber and Zoe Bug (Zoe Bug?!!!!) is blubbering in the background "Annika put it in my backpack, blah, blah, blah."

Ah ha! That little brat, er . . . spirited child.

Big surprise.

And I ask you this, do you think we call her Stinkerbell for nothing?

I told the school secretary to throw the book at her and I went back to my classroom. End of story.

Now, I'd be lying if I told you that I was not just a tinsy bit amused by this whole adventure. In fact, I couldn't wait to get home so I could get to the bottom of the whole convoluted story. And while I don't think I'll ever have the whole story and its accompanying shades of truth, this is what I did manage to gather from my thorough investigation.

First off, I asked Stinkerbell in my calmest, most unfreaking out voice, "Do you want to tell me about the snake?"

"Uh. Yeah. Good," replies the Stink.

"I'm sorry, but that was not a complete sentence."

"Mom, can I have something to eat?"

Now I know that this sort of verbal exchange is quite typical between a parent and their teenager, but my kids are six and eight, so why is the communication not flowing on a two way street here?

Let's try this again.

ANN-IK-KA. Why. Did. You. Have. A. Snake. At. School?

Sheepish grin alights. S-l-o-w-l-y followed by her version of the truth. "I gave the snake to Zoe at Mattie Cake's house and she just forgot."

Reeeeee-ally? (said in a slightly . . . okay very, sarcastic voice with a bit of shriekage on that last syllable)

Apparently Zoe cannot stand to listen to the sewage spilling forth any longer and she blurts out "She did not! Annika snuck it in my eyeglass case and I did not know it was there and I opened it up and I thought it was real and my friends saw me cry and I was a little embarrassed."

So now we're going from not complete sentences to run-on sentences. I'm getting dizzy. Let's just go straight to the evidence, shall we?

This eyeglass case.

And this snake.

This snake that so does not look real to me.

Now, I can sort of put myself into this little scenario, and it's not difficult to imagine the drama and confusion. Zoe Bug is the Freak Out Queen and she very well could have been hysterical. Plus, she, apparently, prolonged the confusion when she managed to explain to the office staff that the snake wasn't moving because it was nocturnal.


But seriously, if I'm lyin,' I'm dyin.' Does this snake look real to you?

As part of my formal investigation, I measured him, and when I pulled him taut to eliminate his bendy sections, he was a whopping eight inches long.

And because I'm so mean, I looked very closely for a stamp that might inform me that he was MADE IN CHINA, but there was no such thing to be found.

Dang it. That would have been so cool.

So, Grandma, if you're reading this, the Snake Charmer wants to come visit and she wants to know if she can bring her snake.


  1. What an adventure! No the snake does not look real to me .

  2. OMG, I would have died.. not sure wether from laughter or what exactly. But I can imagine this happening in my house.
    Though instead of disturbing a class, I'd probably be in the middle of using the toilet or some other compromising position during the ensuing freak out.

    Good on you for more or less finding the whole truth, but seeing that she didn't have her glasses on yet, it might be possible she did think she saw a real snake.

  3. *giggle*

    (btw, I just want to thank you cuz I stole one of your ideas and added my own twist to it. ;) I'll blog about it on Sunday,so you can check it out then. :) )

  4. TOO Dang funny! I know it doesnt seem like it you haha but it is hilarious!!

  5. Lol!!!!! Thanks for the dose of humor...just what I needed this morning!

  6. That snake..freaks me out fake or not. Yuck!

  7. OMG! to funny!
    Thanks for the laugh! and I love your blog...

  8. Too Funny!!! It does not look real at all. I am sure the hub bub was over her reaction:-)

  9. Wow. That is so much funnier than Picasso JR and Michaelangelo Jr's masterpiece they created in Danica's room. :-P

    Snakes. and you don't even have boys. hA!

  10. OH MY GOSH that is hysterical!!!!!! I am just cracking up over all the drama over the fake snake!

  11. That is just too funny! I even got a giggle that you now have an ad at the bottom of your post for Snake waterers and feeders. I have been begged by my son for YEARS about getting a snake- I keep telling him not until he has his own apartment.

  12. Hahaha how can anyone think that snake looks real? That is too funny. :P

  13. That's the best story I've heard all week! Loved it!

  14. I think I just wet my pants over this story! You told it so well!

    The snake in the eye glass would look real if your eye sight was 'real' bad, and had allergies...still laughing, Thanks!

  15. All I can say is that...I'm glad I only have one child!!!
    However, if this would happen in our house, the snake would be real and Allison would be hiding it from me because if it wasn't for me, she would already own a snake!

  16. I laughed out loud while reading this! Funny, funny!

  17. That is so funny!! Sorry but I just had to laugh. I can't believe that the school did not check it out first before they called you. But then the story would not have been as good. What a great story you have to tell their kids!! Thanks for sharing and making my day!!

  18. That is so funny!! Sorry but I just had to laugh. I can't believe that the school did not check it out first before they called you. But then the story would not have been as good. What a great story you have to tell their kids!! Thanks for sharing and making my day!!

  19. good story... impressed that your daughter knew what nocturnal meant and that she knew when to use it...

  20. It really doesn't look real at all. I can't figure out why they went to the lengths of calling you before they discovered if it was real or not!

  21. She sounds incredibly clever. I can't wait to see what God has in store for her. Love her. Holly

  22. OMG!
    That is hysterical!
    Maddy is not allowed read your blog,ever. She would do these things. Wait, she WILL do these things because she is also, cough, cough, spirited.

  23. That is HILARIOUS! It's not moving because it's nocturnal.
    What a kid!
    Great story!

  24. Happy SITS day! My DH luvs pulling jokes with fake snakes!

  25. I just read this post to my boys,they were in hysterics,love it,just love it.

  26. Buncha maroons at the school. Snake looks quite fake, their command of what "nocturnal" means should exceed that of even a smartie-pie kid like yours, and again, that snake looks fake. Your write-up was hysterical, however, so I'm glad it happened. Did you tell your class when you returned?

  27. I have to agree that the snake doesn't even look remotely real. I'm thinking they must have just thought it was real because of her reaction. This story is really hilarious though!

  28. That is LOL funny! Brought back memories of me and my sister, bad news for you is that things will probably get worse! ummm... I mean better :)

  29. Ahhhhhh, I am SO bad about laughing when the dude is being a stinker. It's so hard. How do you do it?