Thursday, May 14, 2009

Malibu Barbie Lives in Idaho

Am I the only one who remembers Malibu Barbie? No really, because she lives in my town now, and she's on the PTO at my kids' school. No lie.

The first time I saw her, I knew it was her, even though she's had a makeover and she looks a tinsy bit different. She also drives a mini van, but you can still tell it's her.

For starters, she let her roots grow out. Yep, she's really a brunette. I am so not kidding you. I know you think I'm making this up, but I'm not.

Malibu has had three kids since her time in the sun. Not that you could tell. She is Barbie after all. Except that now her name is Heidi. 

Yeah, her name is Heidi and on her Facebook profile, she lists cleaning as her hobby. Cleaning! Can you believe that?

She's disgustingly perfect. I don't think she sleeps either.

Early in the school year, we had to meet at school at ohhhh-dark thirty in the morning to put up a gazillion flags before school, and she was there. All chipper and cute, bubbling over with energy and enthusiasm. Not a hair out of place and perfect make-up. And I'm sorry I couldn't help myself, but I did have to turn to her and inquire if she even owned a pair of real sweat pants. Seriously, she was there in a cute little matching exercise pant and warm-up jacket ensemble. Really, an ensemble. I don't own an ensemble anything, so I'm pretty impressed by this.

I've seen her painting clothes too, and they don't look anything like my painting clothes. Hers are cute little capris with a cute little short sleeve shirt. Seriously.

And do you want to know the worst part? I'd like to hate her because she's so perfect, but I just can't because she's too dang sweet. She's at school all the time. She, along with another parent volunteer, teaches art to the entire school for free. Actually, I take that back, she's paying the school to teach art for free because she never turns in her receipts to be reimbursed. Sssh, don't tell her husband. I think he might raise his angry eyebrows if he knew.

Oh, and she runs the Accelerated Reading program, she's involved with everything at school, and she's always smiling. And her hobby is cleaning. Cleaning!

And if that isn't enough, we just elected (and I use this in the loosest sense of the word) her to be PTO President for next year. We railroaded her into it.

I know y'all are just dying to see what she looks like now, right?

Okay, here she is.

Hee hee. Sorry. I couldn't help myself. Do you like it? I made this today to give to Malibu at the PTO meeting today. First I was going to dye the real Malibu Barbie's hair brown, but then I took the cheater route and just bought a Belle Princess doll and chopped her hair off. I made the beauty queen sash thingie with my label maker, and the little bag with my Cricut. 

I love the little bag. It's my favorite part. I had to get a picture of it because she's probably going to rip the bag off her Mini Me before her husband sees it.

Do you believe me?


  1. I totally believe you. I have known women like that, seriously. Makes me want to hurt myself. I like to think that they have some hidden darkside... like stuffing their faces with chocolate, and then making themselves puke. LOL

  2. I. am. dying.
    As a teacher and the teacher rep on our PTO, I totally understand you, sista! I am cracking up!
    Luv it, luv it, luv it.
    ;) It seems like she is a good sport about this- our "perfect parents" would be soooo offended. Which is why I love this so much! Have a great day. Andi

  3. Oh my gosh, that was hysterical!
    I think my snotty neighbor guy with the giant pooping dogs would be a perfect match for her. He is a Ken doll that never grew up.
    My school is full of moms like this. They are very sweet but sometimes I think they just need a job.

  4. We have a couple mom's like this & I totally understand. I'd love to hate them but they are so sweet that it's immpossiable. In fact I just love the mom's that donate so much time and effort to the schools, even if they are perfect. Of course no one will ever mistake me for anything close to that. Somehow I missed out on the "perfect" gene's.

    I'm so glad your back!

  5. That is funny. I believe you. I saw a "beach" barbie when shopping the other day for some little girl. You crack me up! Nice dressing up you did there! LOL!

  6. I would never wish the Ken doll with the big pooping dogs on Malibu Barbie. She is S-W-E-E-T. And modest. And humble. The first time I called her Malibu Barbie she told me that it was the sweetest compliment anyone has ever given her. Now if she had done a hair flip and giggled, maybe THEN I could hate her. As far as getting a job, Girlfriend doesn't have the time. :)

  7. I thought for sure you were going to name my sister. It sounds just like her. Although her husband doesn't sport any angry eyebrows. :)

    But I don't know, I've been looking around your blog here and you are pretty crafty and fabulous yourself! I'm impressed with all your crafts and projects and recipes! There's nothing like that on my blog.

    Thanks for stopping by and helping me celebrate my overwhelming SITs day!

  8. Sooo cute! So love and admire Heidi!

  9. I think you might have it wrong, I'm pretty sure her name is Danty, she's my best friend who now lives in another province.

    I'd like to hate her for her perfectness, but I can't, I love her too much!

    Her perfectly disgustingly perfect husband and her (and their three kids!) are like some Disney Movie, when they haven't seen each other for a day or two and they come together, the lights get all dim and twinkly, small animals come out of the forest to surround them and the music swells as they share some perfect kiss... I usually mess it up by gagging in the background, and I'll never tell them it's jealosy!


    We all need people like this in our lives to inspire us. I love your Barbie and look forward to meeting you in person far into the future in our "cricut hell".

  10. Oh my goodness, you are truly the funniest person ever! I love your humor! I hate Barbies, sorry, that is a harsh word, HATE. My daughter owns this blonde barbie, I'm going to find her in her toychest now and cut her hair off. LOL! Thanks for the laugh!!!

  11. Ohhh, I hate Mailbu Barbie! We have a few of those on our PTA. I think they live at the school. You never see them eat and they run around doing everything like they are on speed. They are always so put together. The kind of women who would never THINK of strangling someone else's kid and yelling "How do you like me NOW F***er????" Those women are the best reason to homeschool that I have ever heard of! Giggle!

  12. Did I miss my point? My point is that this is the GOOD Barbie. Our school wouldn't be the same without people like Malibu. She is running around doing everything because she cares about all the students, not just her own. And yes, many of our PTO moms don't work, but that doesn't make their time any less valuable. I appreciate all that they do, even if they look dang cute when they're doing it.

  13. Oh my gosh!! That is totally funny!! I think every school has a mother like this. I just love your love/hate relationship with yours:-)

  14. Okay--it is time for "Malibu Barbie" (and I use that term loosely)to set the record straight. First, the only way I could be called Barbie (I have never even owned a Barbie in my life until now)is to reverse the dimensions. Not nearly as attractive that way. And I have never been a blonde! I have a few lighter streaks now in an unsuccessful attempt to cover the gray. As for the early morning flags. I didn't shower when I got up and I was too tired to take my makeup off from the night before. My 50% off JC Penney "ensemble" was covering my dirty tshirt that I wore to bed. (Isn't my husband lucky?) In our school you "get" to be PTO pres. because you weren't smart enough to get out of it. (I guess that is kind of "Barbieish.) Cleaning is my hobby--but who doesn't need a little instant gratification? Ask my kids. They would like me to come up with a better way of channeling my psychotic hyperactivity. And just for the record. I don't scrapbook, blog, fix daily nutritious meals for my family, create recipes and crafts for the whole blogging community,keep my finances and the PTO's finances in perfectly graphed order, make more money through Box Tops than ever in the history of Box Tops,take my kids to the library...WOw! I think I need to make a Barbie for you, Chaos Lady--Jill. Instead--due to my hyperdrive, I fall into window wells, slip on the ice and dump pans full of hot vegetable soup all over me and my white coat, back into my brother's parked vehicle, back into the mail car...oh the truth hurts sooooo! So now you all know the real truth. Perfection? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAh.......

  15. In regards to this Malibu Barbie. She is truly amazing. Everybody has their strengths and weaknesses. This Malibu Barbies strengths just happen to revolve around cleaning and doing servicable acts of kindness that effect the lives of people around her. She is a perfectionist and for us lucky ones that live by her we reap the benefits. She failed to mention that when she fell in the window well it was because she was talking on the phone helping a friend. When she spilled the hot soup it was because she was delivering it to an expectant mom of twins and she slipped and fell on the ice. No grace maybe isn't one of her Barbie traits but the thing that she and Malibu have in common is that people want to be like them.

  16. Oh yeah--I almost forgot. Those cute clipboards you see. Our dear little chaos lady made for all of the PTO folks. She is the one we all want to be like.

  17. Yes, so jealouse of those Malibu Barbie gals. I have one in my life too. She sets up the best teacher luncheons and birthday parties. All themed out. My friend is the PTO president too. And she is lovely and humble like your own Malibu Barbie. Bless those Barbie types.