Saturday, August 3, 2013

Mom of the Year . . . and a Giveaway

Hello, hello! I have been trying and trying to get a post up for nearly a week, but apparently I'm too thick to figure out how to add pictures to a mobile blog post with just my phone and/or iPad and my 3G cellular network.

I tried to be patient and problem solve to figure it out, but in the end I was too impatient. Big surprise, I know.

Anyway, the girlies and I are on our yearly trip to California. We have family spread out from the San Francisco Bay Area to San Diego County, so it's always a two week affair. On our yearly trip, there's this phenomenon that occurs when I get about 30 minutes away from the Bay Area where I just HAVE TO GO SHOPPING!!! It's like Shopping Tourette Syndrome, where I start twitching and my eyes flick back and forth looking for a mall. Shopping Malls beckon like jewels amongst the rolling hills.

Come hither. See my wares. Touch them and be content.

Wow, that sounds a little porny. Not what I was going for.

I believe this shameful consumer impulse falls upon me because I am, in my mind, shopping deprived in my little neck of the Famous Potato State. Lame first world problem, I realize this.

We have a little mall, but it's not a MALL. I don't want to dis where I live too much, because really I love it, and not being able to shop on a grand scale is actually a good thing for my family's continued well being. I just need to get a fix once a year is all. Want to get a fix.

And fix I did. In the picture above the girls and I are standing in one of my favorite stores, Williams-Sonoma. I love, love, love that store.

More on that in a little bit, because that's where my giveaway comes in. I first want to share with you yet another example why I deserve to not win Mom of the Year.

Today I was driving back to my Mama Llama's house with her and the girls, and I wanted to drop by Michael's to see the Project Life kits that were recently made available in retail stores. I've been so tempted to order one online, but I really wanted to touch one before I made that leap. And boy, am I ever glad I did. The albums for the kits are enormous. Enormous like a broiler pan long, enormous. I don't know about you, but I don't have any shelves in my home that an album like that will fit on, so I decided I would just stick to my Digital Project Life.

Satisfied, but a little let down, I walked out of the store, got back in my swagger van, and started driving us back home. I was telling my mom about why I didn't buy the thing I went into Michael's for, and Zoe Bug was in the back seat flailing her arms and yelling "Mom! Where's Annie? Mom! Where's Annie?!!!" in increasingly loud bursts of inquiry. I just shooed her inquiry away with a wave of my arm, as if to brush away an errant fly. In my mind Annie was hiding from me in the back of the van like she sometimes does, and then . . .

"Annie! I left my baby in the store! OMG, I can't believe I am driving away from the store where I left my baby! I should have a license to have kids!"

Then Zoe, ever the supportive child and always Johnny on the Spot to make me feel like the excellent mother that I surely must be, exclaims in her horrified voice, "You have a license to be a parent?" 

As if the authorities would be so lame as to bestow me with such a responsibility.

And why would they? I leave my children in stores far away from home, with nary a bread crumb or a GPS with which to find their way home.

I'm raising children without a license. Someone arrest me now. Before I hurt someone.

The irony here is that my Mama Llama is retired Child Protective Services and she made me. What kind of social worker raises a sicko like me?

My Mama Llama does. Blame her.

I know you want to know how this turns out, right?

Well, we get back to the store and I'm thinking I bet I can get back in there without Stinkerbell even realizing I've left. And I did. I found her walking towards the front of the store shortly after I walked in the door, and she did not look panicked. But then this is Stinkerbell we're talking about.

"Ha, ha. Funny story, Stink. You're not going to believe this but I actually drove away from the store and left you here. I forgot you in the store."

And do you know what? She didn't even look surprised at all. She looked at me with this look on her face that seemed to say "Oh, I believe it. I believe it and you're lucky that you came back here after me because I know where we live, and I know your phone number, Woman. And furthermore, I have problem solving skills that you incessantly scold me to use. I have them and I know how to use them. Go ahead and leave me in the store again. Go ahead. Watch what happens."

She said all of that with a look. A look that gave me goosebumps. 

I'm a little bit skeered of my own child. I hope I never do that again.

I wonder if there's some kind of LoJack for kids that I could install? One that alerts me when I get, say a mile away from my child. Enough time to safely alert me and still leave enough time to get back to the scene of the crime and pretend like nothing ever happened.

I'll have to work on the ratting myself out part though. I suck at that. I'm a Tattle Tale.

So, Mom of the Year. Bring it.

Now for the fun part. Looky what I found at Williams-Sonoma. They're Summer Harvest Pie Crust Cutters.

I have the autumn set, but I've never seen this Summer Harvest set before.

This is what you can do with them. Pretty cool, eh?

I bought a set for me, and a set to give away.

The Giveaway starts now, and it ends on Friday, August 9th. Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway


  1. You totally crack me up!! I think we could totally be best friends if we lived closer! Enjoy your blog so much!

    1. Thank you, Sassy Sue. :) We probably could be BFFs. You can never have too many people to laugh with.

  2. Replies
    1. You make me happy too. Comments like this make my day.

  3. Ahhhh Jill, I so miss seeing you at school all the time so I could enjoy your humor on a daily basis. You make big smiles come across my face!

    1. Who ARE you, Critter Power? Your profile is not viewable from your Blogger ID. :( I'm dying to know who this is. Maybe I miss you too, but I don't know since I don't know who Critter Power is.

  4. Sad times! I commented as my husband. Oops! Here's what I meant to say: Oh man...I don't have any kids to leave behind but I have lost my fair share of stuff. I once left a very important shoe on the plane to Japan. That's the worst thing I've lost. On the other hand I was once left at a car dealership as a small child... so you are not the only parent who's done that!

    1. Maybe this is a weird question, but WHY was the shoe very important? Just one shoe, or a pair of shoes. Please tell me more. Your car dealership story reminded me that I was lost at the San Diego Zoo as a child and the authorities put me in what I remember was a cage, and they told me to stand at the bars and look for my parents. It sounds too weird to be real, but it was the late 60s or early 70s, so it COULD have happened.

  5. I've never forgotten anyone anywhere but I myself was almost left behind at a gas station during a trip with our cousins. Luckily my mom insisted on a head count! :)

    1. Were there a lot of kids so that a head count was typical? I loathe school field trips for that very reason. I'm always afraid I'm going to lose someone's child and I count heads compulsively. It's maddening.

  6. I've never forgotten anyone. However, my daughter thought I left her once and went out into the parking lot to find me. When I turned around and she was gone, I panicked and starting racing through the store looking for her. Fortunately, a stranger brought her back into the store. She is in high school now and still sticks very close to me whenever we go shopping.

    1. Now THAT would scare me to death. Thank goodness for nice strangers.

  7. I have never forgotten anyone, however, if i ever do, i hope to handle it with as much poise and dignity as you did. you crack me up.
    i also wish you lived closer to me, i need help with math.. my daughters are passing me up in the math knowledge department.

    1. Why thank you. Here's a little tip for you when you are helping your kids with math and you get stuck. Just Google the concept and you'll be amazed. Google has helped me many times on math problems.

  8. We nearly left our daughter, who was seven at the time, at a funeral home as it was closing down for the night. That would have lead to millons in therapy expenses!

    1. Oh wow! I can't even imagine. You would not have returned to the same daughter the next day. So glad it was only a close call. Whew!

  9. I enjoy your blog; your commentary on life makes me smile!! :)