Sunday, September 13, 2009

Obsolete Too Soon

Peanut Head went camping with the Boy Scouts Friday night so the girls and I decided that we needed a Girls' Night Out. We went out to eat at a chick food joint, then we went sho-hopping. Man, did we have fun. Well I had fun.

And okay, the girls didn't like Pier I Imports, but I got some more of these. I'm so happy because when I first saw them I bought every last one in the store and I would have liked more, so I was elated to see them again.

Now I have a set of 12, plus an extra set in case of breakage. Is that unlucky to have a set of 13? I hope not. I hate bad luck.

Anyway, I'm losing focus here. We went to Barnes & Noble, aka Heaven on Earth, and as we were walking through the parking lot I did my hand wiggle thing where I clutch my babies to me so I can hold their hands and keep them safe from danger and bad people

And then this one, this baby that I carried in my womb, jumped away from me and refused to hold my hand. It seems that she thinks she's a Big Girl and doesn't need her Mama anymore. She's eight! Is she out of her mind?

I told her "Give me your hand this instant or I will give you a big, fat, hairy kiss! On your lips. Right here in public."

And do you know what she did?

She scoffed at me. Scoffed.

Hmph! It sort of made me reflect back to the time when she was two and her baby sister was just a few months old. We were traveling via plane to California, alone because Peanut Head was busy (working, whatever), and I was wrestling with the stroller and car seat while Stinkerbell was strapped to my torso in a front carrier and Zoe Bug was attached to me via leash.

That's right, I am that mom. The one who puts her kids on a leash.

And I don't even want to hear about what a horrible person I am. I have only this to say. Toddlers Run.

That's right. They run and they don't have the same obstacles that we have. They can run under whatever is in their way while you are forced to dodge about, hampered by your slow as molasses reflexes that don't get enough sleep, roundish body that doesn't seem to belong to you anymore, and take a guess who is going to win that race.

Hence the leash.

Now if you don't like leashes, you probably better just click on out of here right now and come back another day, because you are really not going to want to read about what happened with my toddler and her leash.

Go ahead, I'll wait until you're gone.

Okay then, reality is . . .

I have the baby in the front carrier, the toddler is on the leash, we're in the tunnel doo-dad that connects the airport to the plane and I have to put the car seat down and adjust my grip. We're right at the bend in the tunnel, and actually it's about a 90 degree bend, and the toddler starts to run away. 

Not even thinking about it, I yank back on the leash and she slams face first into the tunnel wall that's right around the corner. Oopsie.

Did anyone see that? 

Maybe that's why she won't hold my hand anymore. It's my fault.

I think I'll go make her a t-shirt that says "I Love My Mama!"

I've always wanted to buy a BeDazzler and I have a purpose for it now. Bwah-hah-hah-hah.


  1. Too funny! They do grow up fast don't they?

  2. Those darned kids!! If they would just stop growing, we wouldn't have to resort to these measures:-)

  3. oh my goodness, that is hysterical, i am still laughing! i was a young, naive person once who thought parents with leashes were HORRIBLE! I mean, really, what's wrong with you that YOU can't watch your kid....and then...I had a kid. i don't have a leash, YET, but I know its coming. And we'll proudly wear our leash, and I'll probably slam my kid into a lot of stuff! Ok, a funny to share though, once at the airport I saw a grandma that had her grandkid on the leash (mom was there too) and they were ordering breakfast & not paying attention to the kid and the kid just took off into a full run and nearly took grandma down. THAT was hysterical (and will probably happen to me one day!)

  4. Mine has started to do that with holding my hand as well. I'm thinking it's time to put the leash back on both of them!

  5. I will totally support you on the leash/toddler thing.

    I took my very first airplane ride with my 18 month in tow. I was trying to carry my purse, which was crammed full of anything it could carry, my carry-on bag, which was crammed full of anything it could carry, and a diaper bag, which needless to say was crammed full of anything it could carry.

    I had to split the three bags between my two shoulders and try to carry my restless wiggly son. It never worked for long because he wanted DOWN. As heavy as he was in addition to my three bags, I was happy to put him down. But then he would take off running. It was a nightmare, especially when my flight got delayed and I had to stand in line with him. I prayed, "Dear God, if he will only stay still I promise I will never make fun of parents with leashes again."

    Luckily, on the trip back, I discovered THE CART. Best dollar I ever spent in my life.

    It's heart-tugging though that first time your child doesn't want to hold your hand. My girls were about 8 or 9. My son is 11 and still holds my hand and kisses me in front of his friends. Maybe because girls mature faster? Still, I want them to be 30 and still holding my hand.

  6. Oh, and I forgot to mention. I totally want to come over and eat off of your dishes, but then I would probably start arranging photos on them. Coolest dishes I have ever seen.

  7. OK now THAT is absolutely hilarious!!!!! You tell the FUNNIEST stories!

    I LOVE the girls' shirts....too CUTE. Those plates are fabulous too. Glad you found some more.

  8. I can always count on you for a pick-me-up.

  9. I believe in leashes! I was actually thinking of picking one up for a future trip...

    I really enjoy your blog, and sort of wish you were my neighbor, because you seem like exactly the sort of person I'd like to get to know better. :)

    Thanks for the great blog!

  10. HA HA HA! Love it. Yeah I am a leashing mom...or well was. Sometimes I wish I could still have one though because Wire Nut, well he lives up to his nickname that is for sure! Can't lie though I am cracking up on account of your kids again.

  11. That is too funny! I laughed so hard my husband looked at me I read it to him! I love it!

    With my first child..I thought that leashes were bad. Then I had my second & he made me reconsider my feelings!

  12. Your girls are so cute and spirited! I love reading about your family, and getting the giggles from it. While not a mom yet, it's nice to know there are leashes should I need them (veteran babysitter).
    Though a little cousin was a too-smart-for-the-leash child. In one of Canada's busiest malls her dad wasn't paying attention and she disengaged herself from the leash (just a velcro wrist strap) and tied daddy to a bench that was within reach!

  13. Thanks for the great story!! I can't even count how many times I have bashed my kids head into something. -- all on accident of course--
    Also, I can't wait to try the popcorn!!

  14. This, THIS, is why I love you.

    My love of the leash is already well documented. I love ours so much, I bought another ... just in case I lost one! I think Emi thinks it's just part of her daily outfit whenever we aren't at home. Heck, she loves that thing. Go figure.

    And yeah, if the threat of the kiss didn't get to her, I am thinking the threat of getting out the leash again might. I have an extra. :)

    P.S. Yes, I shouldn't be reading blogs. I should be packing the room. It's a sickness!

  15. Don't worry, I'm an even horribler mommy for laughing a lot when I read the leash part... still giggling a little.

    I've done things like that, without even thinking.

    Poor Zachy, he gets girls nights too when Daddy is gone... heh.

    Neither of my kids will hold my hand, and they are both under 5! WHAAAAA!!!!!

  16. Ahhhh just too funny. I just got back from CA and flew out alone...ah yeah will not do that EVER again. I have my blog back up. Thanks for sharing the story.

  17. What a fun Blog you have! I linked here from Sondra at Happy Cleaning Living as she gave a link for your awesome dividers for recipes!

    Thanks for sharing such FUN information! It looks like you have alot of fun with your family!

    Have a great day!

  18. That is too funny! I didn't use a leash with my first two kids. Now I have Zack and he is wild! EVERYWHERE! I may have to invest in one!

  19. This is so funny. I am all for any way to be able to control a toddler. My SIL had to tie her little boy in his bed at night(by his ankle) because he would get up in the middle of the night and get into everything. One night it was the knives. He just wanted some cheese. Imagine that.

  20. hee hee hee hee! i'm not opposed to leashes at all. (i have toddler triplets.) but i'll definitely be wary of airport tunnels from here on out.

  21. I am not a person who cracks up watching America's Funniest Home Videos at every bride who falls on her ass. And if I saw you yank your adorable daughter's LEASH so hard that you slammed her into the wall, well, I'd be the first one there to offer you help. Buuuuuuut. Your writing was so funny that I laughed out loud, scared my elderly cat off my lap, and nearly had a Diet Dr. Pepper disaster on my keyboard. So funny; great job. Again. (I'm liking you, girl.)

  22. I love this story! It is great! My co-workers are looking at me like I am crazy since I just burst out laughing at my desk... Thanks! I needed a good laugh!