Monday, April 25, 2011

Blue Thunder, The Easter Bunny, and Other Unrelated Tidbits


The girlies came running inside yesterday yelling "MOM! Jo Jo is blue! Jo Jo is blue! Somebody painted Jo Jo blue!"

Well, since I haven't seen any Smurfs since the early eighties, I figured that probably the kids had had too much Easter candy and the sugar was messing with their vision. 

I went outside and sure enough, the cat was blue. Immediately when I saw her I thought-shouted What kind of sicko freak would spray paint a cat?!

Then it quickly dawned on me that the dumb butt cat had rolled her gelatinous body all over Stinkerbell's chalk drawn hopscotch on the sidewalk. She was in loooooooove with that sidewalk chalked hopscotch.

And now she is permanently stained, cannot get it off, blueberry blue. Hence, I did the only thing I could do under the circumstances. I took her picture and promptly bestowed her with a regal name of which she so laughably does not fit--Blue Thunder.

It must be said sort of tongue-in-cheek. Like, ha ha, in your dreams Tom Cruise. You are so not all that that you think you are.

Whoops. I just let one of my movie star peeves out in the open.


Anyway, I do not loathe my cat as I loathe Tom Cruise, but I am a little irritated with her. Any normal cat would have tongue-bathed all that blue off by now, but Jo Jo seems to care less.

Changing the subject, our Easter Bunny messed up again. Yet another Easter we have been woken up by our kids, looking at us with their sad eyes, inquiring "Why didn't the Easter Bunny hide our eggs?"

"What?!!! What the?!!! WHAAAAAT?!!! What time is it?! Go back to bed! You're not even awake! It's a dream! It's too early! If you don't go to bed the Easter Bunny WON'T COME!"

Yes, my kids pretty much accept the fact that by all appearances their mother is crazy. We're all pretty comfortable with it.

Yeah, so anyway, Zoe Bug is more gullible than I am, and she so desperately clings to the magic of Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny. All the while, Stinkerbell, who is almost two years younger than Zoe, stands next to her rolling her eyes and saying "It's not reeeeeeaaaaal. It's Mom and Daaaaaad. Don't you knoooooooo-ow?"

"No it's not, Anni-KA! If you don't believe, he/she/it won't come! You have to believe!"

"What-EV-er."

That Stinker Dink. You can't get anything by her.

The girls left the room as per my freaking out instructions, and they holed up in their room until a more reasonable hour--not 6:30. I calmly called them into our bedroom to straighten the mess out.

"Yeah. So, we talked to the big EB last night, and he asked us if we could hide the eggs for him. He has too much to do and he needs help, so we're going to hide the eggs for you after you get dressed."

Zoe totally bought it. Stinkerbell just looked at us sideways and humphed. I think she's a little suspicious.


Which brings me to my next completely unrelated topic . . . butter. Can you believe what this kid has done to her French Toast?


Here, let me give you a closer look. I think she put a half a stick of butter on that. Before I stopped to take this picture, I had a little freak out fit. Thank goodness I caught this disaster before The Stink had time to eat it. I was very dramatic in my scoldings.

"You cannot eat that much butter. This will go straight to your bloodstream and stop your heart like a freight train. Do you know what that means?!!!! It means it will kill you! I know butter is yummy, but you cannot eat it like this!" Blah, blah, blah. I said a bunch of other stuff, but I've blacked it all out. I think she got the message.

So, did any of your kids eat so much candy yesterday that it caused them to vomit violently? Zoe Bug holds the Easter Candy Purge title in this house. It's not a title anyone is trying to beat though. Just because we're Tough Love Parents, we asked her "Was it as good coming back up as it was going down?"

Ha, ha. I just know we're going to win the Parent of the Year trophy. Bring it.

13 comments:

  1. Ewwwwww on the butter. For the record, my husband would eat it exactly the same way. IE, want a little waffle with your butter? I don't get it. And we cut off our youngest, or she surely would have suffered the same Easter Candy Purge fate. Love that title. haaaaa. Maybe we should have just let her and be done with it!

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  2. So, as far as I know this is your second post on butter... or do you have more hiding in your archives that I didnt find? LOL

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  3. hahaha...I don't know what's more funny, the poor silly cat, or the butter. Good luck with that Jill :)

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  4. Cat ~ LOL
    Tom Cruise~ AGREED
    Butter~ my kids would do that and I would freak as well
    Easter eggs~ my mom used to hide them just before we left for church..we would get into the car and she would 'forget' her hymnal in the house..then she would hide the eggs.

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  5. lol at the blue cat. I hope it eventually comes off. if it doesn't, at least you'll have no trouble describing the cat if it ever goes missing.

    re: butter.. I have a lousy habit of eating butter... raw... yes... so good. :) sometimes with sugar sprinkled on top... yes.. gotta get that under control so I can lose more weight. lol

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  6. Im a butter lover- but that fresh toast is foul. Maybe she thinks shes Paul Dean? Im pretty sure PD uses at LEAST that much butter in EVERYTHING she makes!

    and the cat? well... shes a cat. who knows why they do anything.

    My egg hiding solution- as soon as they go to bed the night before easter- run out to the back yard with your flashlight and hide those brightly colored beauties. :) then go to bed and pretend like EB showed up early.

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  7. I have been in a laughing fit, rolling on the floor with laughter. So much that my Teenage kids ran in and I tried to read your post to them - while they were laughing their guts out.

    This is hands down the funniest blog post I have ever read.

    I need to go re-apply my make-up, since I have laughter cried it all off.

    I do believe you get the Mother of the year trophy! Ha ha ha... We are still laughing. Thanks for a huge belly laugh!

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  8. Hahaha! While an irresponsible pet owner (or just too young? my roommates and I have had drunken pets more than once...) I stick to dark colours. However I did go babysit once and the frantic mom says "don't freak out, but the cat is pink." Little (formerly) white kitten LOL!

    Next year find some of those plastic eggs that split in half. Stuff them with the goods, then at the last minute you can just huck them out into the yard. I'm pretty sure that's what most public egg hunts look like!
    (PS-I'm 27, and my sisters and I STILL make Dad hide eggs just so we can search for them)

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  9. You and your blog are HILARIOUS. I don't know how I found it, but me and my cookie dough will surely be back for more laughs.

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  10. Oh, I loved this post!!

    All of our cats roll in the sidewalk chalk too!! and they don't seem to care... so funny...

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  11. Too funny! Never a dull moment in your house, huh? So, the whole rainbow-colored candy vomit sounds way better than the one my son gave me a few years back! He ate too much Count Chocula, got a little happy with it, since it's a once in a while treat in our house. yep, you guessed he puked mud! Mud I tell ya! No big wonder he hasn't wanted any since!

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  12. I would love it if my cat would roll in sidewalk chalk instead of garage dust or, worse, freshly changed litter. What is it about cats that makes them want to get powdery dirt all over their coats? I still can't figure this one out.

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  13. For years the Easter Bunny left a note asking us to hide the eggs because the dog scared him. The kids were somewhat confused despite being teens/near teens the year they woke up to hidden eggs.

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