Saturday, November 21, 2015

Facebook Stalker

So, I have a little confession to make and I'm afraid you'll think less of me after I confess it.

I could just not confess it, but I feel that I need to share because then maybe I'll feel a little less dirty. That and maybe I can help someone else feel better about themselves.

I'm a Facebook Stalker.

Yes, you read that right. Honestly, I can scarcely believe it myself.

You see, I lack the skills required to meet a new person and remember their name. I'm not talking about not being able to remember their name a week later, but immediately.

Like their name goes in one ear and out the other like greased lightning. It's embarrassing.

I blame my mother for this because I can. I remember my short-term memory being a problem for me as far back as first grade. I now refer to my brain as "Dory Brain" because I'm just like the fish, Dory, in "Finding Nemo."

Names are a problem for me until I get to know a little bit about a person and their personality. When I don't remember people's names it looks like I don't care about them and that's far from the truth. 

As a teacher I relied heavily on my Smart Seat app to learn my students' names. On the first day of school I would take pictures of the kids in the seating chart app, and then go home and quiz myself until I learned their names.

Now my problem is mostly remembering adults'  names and it has become even more glaringly obvious in my job because my professional counterpart, the Elementary Math Specialist, is a rock star. You think I'm kidding, I know, because I kid a lot, but I'm not lying here when I say that he knows everyone in this town and they know him. Walking anywhere with him is tedious because of his rock star status. Rodd the Rock Star.

Now I just refer to him as Rodd Star. I'm sure he loves it. Why wouldn't he?

So I've decided that I need to make learning people's names a priority, and since "There's an app for that!" is sort of my mantra, you know I went and looked for an app for that.

Here it is. It's called Name Shark, and I love it.

However, imagine if you can, how awkward it is to meet a new person and immediately ask if you can take their picture.

"Do you mind if I just snap a quick picture of you for my Creepy Stalker Wall?"

It's not cool.

It's awkward and there's just not an easy way to sneak a picture without giving the appearance of being a stalker.

Enter Facebook.

Where you can stalk people anonymously. Now, not everyone is on Facebook, but most people are. I've found that even though I'm not Facebook friends with everyone, like Rodd Star, most of the time I can at least view their profile picture and take a screen shot of it for my trusty little app.

Yes, it does feel creepy. It feels really creepy, but that's because it is. It's super creepy and it's not supposed to feel right.

There's no way around it though. I've found that the creepy feeling mostly goes away when I delete their pictures out of my Photo Album and just have them in the app itself.

So I've been creepily adding names and faces to my app and I quiz myself with the built in quizzes in the app.

It's my new favorite app.

And yes, I feel dirty, but I am learning the names.

And someday soon, maybe I will be a rock star too.

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