Monday, June 14, 2010

As Seen On T.V.


Have you ever seen this thing? It's the Tooth n' Brush Hands Free Toothpaste Dispenser. The first time I saw it, I was standing in the check out line at Wal Mart and I said to myself, Oh Get Out! Who needs a contraption to put toothpaste on their toothbrush for them? LAME-O.

Then I grabbed it and stuck it on the belt deep underneath the rest of my purchases. Yep. On account of I was embarrassed for myself. Of myself. Ashamed.

The entire time I was waiting to be rung up, and I'm not kidding you, I was mentally flogging myself for my stupidity. You are NOT going to buy that thing. It's $20 and WHY?!!!! Look at you. Up here in this line, people starving all over the world, and you're going to throw down $20 for an As-Seen-On-T.V. hoojit. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Then a little Virtual WWF match started in my brain. My conscience against the Devil.

Put it back.

No.

Put it back.

No.

Put. It. BACK.

N. O. 


And guess what? The Devil won.

But here's the rest of the story. The why that allows me to rationalize my purchase.

My kids pushed me over the edge. Yes, I did not have far to go, but I up and went. You see, it's their toothpaste. The toothpaste that they cannot, for the love of Peter Pan, keep in the bathroom, where it belongs. Why must it always leave the bathroom? Why? Why? Why?!!!

The toothpaste leaves the bathroom, and then the next kid cannot brush their teeth because they cannot find the toothpaste. They walk all over the house looking for it, staring up at the ceiling kind of looking. Unproductive looking and, surprise, no toothpaste finding is happening.

Then when the angry parent finds the toothpaste because the parent knows how to scan a room actively, as in aware and involved looking, the kid cannot seem to extract any toothpaste from the tube. It gets past the half gone point, and then suddenly they can't seem to squeeze their delicate flower hands hard enough to get the ding dang toothpaste on the toothbrush.

Really! This is not rocket science here, kidlets. It's dental hygiene. Get some.

And I'm not even going to go into the mess that follows the toothpaste extraction, I'm just going to tell you that this purchase from the Devil actually turned out to be quite Heaven sent. No lie.

We have not lost the toothpaste once since this device was so tackily installed in our bathroom . . . um, suction cupped right to the mirror. I'm pretty sure you won't see that in Martha Stewart Living. The toothpaste is always right there. On the mirror. No child needs to waste their precious energy on unproductive looking anymore.


Not only that, but there is no toothpaste on the counters, smeared on the cupboards, the toilet, the walls, etc. It's still in the sink though, can't seem to fix that one.


And the best part of it? We get every last molecule of toothpaste out of every tube of toothpaste. Peanut Head explained it to me. Something about gravity and the tight seal creating a natural vacuum, blah, blah, blah. Who cares, Peanut Head?!


It's magic. That's all I need to know.

And no, I am not being paid to blow sunshine about the toothpaste dispenser. They don't even know I exist.

Now it's confession time, are you going to run out and get yourself one of these white trash hoojits for your kids? Spill.

38 comments:

  1. Do I have one? No.
    Does your hilarious take on this silly contraption make me want one? Yep. The only thing worse than you justifying this purchase is succumbing to peer pressure from someone I've never met to buy the thing I've ALWAYS secretly wanted. Thanks for the permission, lol!

    ReplyDelete
  2. ok seriously- my 4 year old (whos far to wise for his britches) saw a commercial for this thingy on TV. He has been bugging me about it ever since. How we NEED one. And how it gets ALL the toothpaste out. and now- thanks to this very blog post- I do believe that we, in fact, NEED one. thanks. lol.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ha Ha Ha Ha! Totally been there done that hiding something on the check out counter totally embarrassed! lol Not sure I will purchase one of these but it would probably be a help! Thanks for the laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh please, my two year old EATS my toothpaste. Of course, she's just following in her sister's footsteps- the four year old ate my mascara last year.

    This sounds like a great idea. And I'm pretty sure Martha has one of those- hers is probably sterling silver and she's devised a clever way of attaching it to her wall by using twigs, a glue gun and recycled dust bunnies.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My son wanted one of these every time the commercial came on. My mom broke down and bought one for us and I have to say that this is the BEST as seen on TV item we ever got. We've had ours for almost a year and the whole family loves it. This is a great product!!!!

    Check out my blog.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Okay... so my 11 yr old has been yammering about this thing for a couple months,,, No no no ...okay, now.... Maybe! (at the Walmart checkout you say?)

    ReplyDelete
  7. What a clever idea!! Seriously...my kids are 15 and 13 and they always use OUR bathroom, OUR toothepaste and OUR shower!! They have their own...

    Sheesh!

    ReplyDelete
  8. What a coincidence... The Midge has been begging me to get one of those and I keep telling her Martha Stewart wouldn't approve. (And I do mean the Martha Stewart we're related to...)

    ReplyDelete
  9. have had two of these for a while now. The kids LOVE them. Keeps most of the mess off the counter, whick sends me into orbit. :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. My kids have been bugging for one of these too. I guess that after the mess that was made with the toothpaste last week, I will be getting one. Thanks for the product review.

    ReplyDelete
  11. My daughter asks for one every time the commercial comes on! But I have always said no. Maybe that will change now?!

    ReplyDelete
  12. OMG'd I have never seen this, but I do not get out much, lol, now I never had the toothpaste go missing, but hubby does hijack it when he goes out of town!

    You are so funny- reading your post is like a foreshadow- I want more!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Are you kidding me...I've been looking for one of these thingies for YEARS! Actually, I've been inventing it in my mind for YEARS. But you know how that is....

    So heck yeah, I would totally spend the money for it! Especially if it keeps the toothpaste from ending up on the other side of the house or smeared all over the place (well actually I don't really know if this won't happen) but at least it helps from keeping my toddlers mouth from eating the toothpaste out of the tube.. ha ha..

    ReplyDelete
  14. My six year old has been begging for one for months. I wasn't sure it would really work but now I'm all over it. I think I'll get one for the four bathrooms in which we brush our teeth and maybe I need one in the half bath just in case a guest needs to brush theirs. I'm so excited! Thanks for the great review.

    ReplyDelete
  15. For Christmas , my 6 yr old kept asking for a Touch n' Brush for one of his presents (I know, waaaaay to much T.V.). I kept asking him what the heck a touch n brush was. He would try to explain it with his limited vocab, but I could still not figure it out. Then we were at Walmart one day and he saw it and kinda freaked (it was a little embarrassing). Now I know what they are but didn't know if it would really work. Thanks for the info maybe he will get one for his b-day hahaha

    ReplyDelete
  16. I. am. so. getting. one. of. these.

    no you're not.

    YES I AM!!

    My kids will SO WANT to brush their teeth with this handy dandy contraption.
    Thanks girlie!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. but if I got one how would we have the Oh-so-amusing fight every night? Me: get your tooth brush
    kid1: I want the OTHER tooth brush
    me: fine! start brushing
    kid1: but I wanted WINNIE THE POOH tooth paste! not strawberry!
    Me: FINE! just start brushing!
    Kid1: but now I want the dora tooth paste, I don't like winnie the pooh!
    me: ARG!!!!!!!!
    that being said, I'm sure I'll have one installed by Friday.

    ReplyDelete
  18. My 7 year old wants one of these sooo bad!! He begs me for it every time he sees the commercial. After reading your post I may just have to suck it up & get one...maybe right before the next school year starts :) Kids are sooo messy with toothpaste :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. No kids in my house so no toothpaste fiascoes of that magnitude, but for whatever reason, every now and then hubby or I like to brush our teeth after lunch. At work. So toothpaste doesn't just leave the bathroom, it leaves the house completely.
    I do love getting every last little bead out though, I just squeeze and clip the ends with the shorter chip clips :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. I got one. I ran to the computer after I saw the infomercial and ordered it of the internet. Crazy, right???? I'm a bit addicted to infomercials. I swear the make them just for me!! I mostly love this thing. The only thing I don't like is the mess it leaves on the inside of the dispenser. Kids can't seem to make it land on the toothbrush. But, hey. It beats having it on the counter!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  22. My youngest had been bugging me about that:-)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Oh these look fun... I think it would become a toy at my house!

    ReplyDelete
  24. That is hilarious! I am so glad you loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Regarding toothpaste getting gunked up in the hoojit, I found that mostly happened at the beginning when the girls were getting used to how much pressure they needed to apply and when they could pull their toothbrushes away. The messes are easily cleaned up with a couple swipes with a wet Q-Tip (to loosen dried toothpaste). I didn't have to take it apart to clean it, or even take it off the mirror).

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hmm, might just have to get this! Mine like to dump it down the drain, so they HAVE to use our bathroom, so I can see what they are doing :) But this would be helpful. Thanks for trying it and posting about it!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Hmmmm, I haven't seen this but I bet Lexi would love it!!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. I am so getting one of these for my kids. I don't know how it happens, but we have a toothpaste search every night bc for some reason, unknown to me, it is never where it should be.

    This seems like a very practical purchase!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Ugh. Only because you purchased one for your kids does it make me want to go buy one! I have been thinking about it...but felt as you did! I am just tired of seeing all the toothpaste that does not actually make it to the darn brush!

    ReplyDelete
  30. I have yet to hide & buy one of those doohickies yet, but I will admit do hiding & buying a king sized KitKat the other day. I brought it home, hid it deep in the freezer and didn't bust it out until after all my kids were in bed. So naughty, yet no chocolate treat has ever tasted so yummy.

    ReplyDelete
  31. since you have admitted it, i will do likewise and say that i have strongly considered this for the exact same reasons. i'm sure it's only a matter of time before i have one installed in my kids' bathroom as well. thank you for making it ok. :)

    ReplyDelete
  32. darn it.

    I need one.

    thx, I think.

    ReplyDelete
  33. We bought one! (Well...grandpa bought one for us!) It was GREAT....until it stopped working. :( Ugh. Now toothpaste everywhere yet again......

    ReplyDelete
  34. My child still uses the flouride free toothpaste because she can't seem to spit it all out. Will a small tube that isn't exactly like regular toothpaste tubes fit??? Just curious, because the other day we went to brush her teeth and the toothpaste was not in her bathroom. We dug around her room and finally found it stashed in her purse completely empty. I panicked! Not exactly sure where the toothpaste went, but I immediately called poison control. I just knew that she had eaten it. I'm pretty sure that she did because I haven't found any traces of toothpaste around the house. It's probably under her bed where she tends to hide when she's doing something wrong...along with Doritos that have been smashed deep within the carpet.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Terra, Yes, I do think the child sized toothpastes will work just fine in this contraption. It's worth a shot.

    ReplyDelete
  36. If they sold them over here I would totally get one! For my hubby not my children. My hubby (whom I love more than anything in the world) doesn't understand the whole sqeeze from the top thing and so we only use about half the tub before he decides its empty (since he can't squeeze from the middle and get any out) and trashes it. We waste a TON on toothpaste. Oh and cleaning supplies since the girls never put the cap back on and the toothpaste gets all over everything. How it gets on the ceiling I have no idea but it does.

    As for hiding things in the cart, only thing I hide is pregnancy tests. I don't know why, Im 26 and have been married for 5 years now but Im still embarrassed to go buy a pregnancy test. Of course Im also the one my friends call to pick one up for them so their husbands don't find out about it and they can suprise them. The best one was when I was about 39 weeks pregnant with my youngest and was picking up a test, I know the cashier wanted to say something but didn't.

    ReplyDelete
  37. If they sold them over here I would totally get one! For my hubby not my children. My hubby (whom I love more than anything in the world) doesn't understand the whole sqeeze from the top thing and so we only use about half the tub before he decides its empty (since he can't squeeze from the middle and get any out) and trashes it. We waste a TON on toothpaste. Oh and cleaning supplies since the girls never put the cap back on and the toothpaste gets all over everything. How it gets on the ceiling I have no idea but it does.

    As for hiding things in the cart, only thing I hide is pregnancy tests. I don't know why, Im 26 and have been married for 5 years now but Im still embarrassed to go buy a pregnancy test. Of course Im also the one my friends call to pick one up for them so their husbands don't find out about it and they can suprise them. The best one was when I was about 39 weeks pregnant with my youngest and was picking up a test, I know the cashier wanted to say something but didn't.

    ReplyDelete
  38. So stinkin hilarious! Thanks for the good read.

    ReplyDelete