Baby, It's Cold Outside

I'm just going to pop in here and pretend like it hasn't been more than 40 days and 40 nights since I last blogged. After all, it doesn't seem like it's been that long, and perception is everything, isn't it?

Life is good in the Scott household.

We had a very nice Thanksgiving at home, and I had the entire week off. It was awesome.

My sister-in-law, Marcia, visited for the week, and we had our usual group of friends over for our yearly Orphan's Thanksgiving dinner. I say that because we're a group of people who don't have any family nearby to spend the holiday with, so we spend it together. In actuality, we've become a family.

Glitter Man brought his camera at my request. I'm always the one behind the camera, and when I'm cooking I forget to take pictures, so he took care of documenting the holiday for us. I'm super grateful because he takes amazing pictures.

When he arrived, Jo Jo promptly began making love to his camera case. I don't know why she was so attracted to it. It's not like he has animals at home that she can smell on his case. She does it to any bag that he brings over to our house too, so it's not like she's an out of work model trying to get someone to take her picture.

Eventually she got off the case in order to take advantage of a sunny spot on the back of the couch.

Gunny spent most of the day outside because turkey. Glitter Man tried to Photoshop all the chicken poop out of this picture, but it proved to be too great a task. It's okay, this is my life. Chicken poop.

Peanut Head and the girls spent much of the day setting up the lighted yard ornaments, and they did not enjoy themselves. You can get a sense of the atmosphere by observing the forced smiles and stiff body language. At one point the girls came in and asked Aunt Marcia "Why does Daddy have to be so grumpy?"

Aunt Marcia opened a can of Whoop A** on that child and admonished "All of y'all are being grouchy and unpleasant, and it's a vicious cycle! One of you is going to have to make the CHOICE to just BE HAPPY if you want it to get better. Now get out there and be pleasant!"

It was awesome because it wasn't me saying it. If I could have, I would have piped Bobby McFerrin's "Don't Worry Be Happy" at full volume out into the front yard. We had a few grouchy garden gnomes setting up our display of holiday cheer.

Glitter Man snapped this very nice picture of Stinkerbell and Lucy Goosey. She looks so sweet, doesn't she?

Yes, I'm talking about the cat.

The Stink told me earlier this week that she got an e-mail from Santa informing her that she was on the Naughty List. Seriously. Who does that?

No really. I didn't sign up for that service and I'm a little disappointed that I don't get to take credit for it.

And if that isn't disturbing enough, Stinkerbell didn't seem the least bit concerned about it. Her attitude was all "Go ahead, Santa. Bring it. I don't need no stinkin' presents."

Glitter Man got this picture of me and I was happy to see that I only have two chins at this angle. 

He did also take some pictures of the Renaissance Woman, but the camera was not her friend that day. You know how it is? Your mouth is open and your eyes be lookin' a little crazy. It was like that.

Therefore, out of respect for her, I'm not going to post them.

Whatever. I'm afraid of her, and I have a two week vacation coming up that I do not want to miss.

Peanut Head and I just today started our Christmas treat production. We're getting a late start.

I'd like to say it's because we've been awesomely productive, but the truth is, we didn't wanna.

We got our first neighbor gift today and that freaked us out. Sort of lit a fire under our butts.

So much that I made five batches of Cranberry White Chocolate Bark.

We found a new source for our white chocolate this year because Baker's pulled a fast one and started boxing their white chocolate in 4 oz. boxes instead of 6 oz. boxes. They changed the box so that it's longer and skinnier to try to trick us. They're boxing a lot of air with the 4 oz. box of chocolate. The only reason we caught it is because we do math in this house, and we're armed with that spreadsheet for the freak show that is our holiday baking.

Anyway, Winco sells white chocolate in their bulk foods section. I think it started out as a gigondo fifty pound candy bar for the Jolly Green Giant, and then they cut it up like this and put it in a big barrel so it looks all rustic and pioneer like.

I went through eight pounds of it today.

That sad little stack on Peanut Head's Martha Stewart bench is the beginning of our holiday baking. The empty containers on the right are what we still need to fill.

I guess we know what we'll be doing this week.

Mom of the Year . . . and a Giveaway

Hello, hello! I have been trying and trying to get a post up for nearly a week, but apparently I'm too thick to figure out how to add pictures to a mobile blog post with just my phone and/or iPad and my 3G cellular network.

I tried to be patient and problem solve to figure it out, but in the end I was too impatient. Big surprise, I know.

Anyway, the girlies and I are on our yearly trip to California. We have family spread out from the San Francisco Bay Area to San Diego County, so it's always a two week affair. On our yearly trip, there's this phenomenon that occurs when I get about 30 minutes away from the Bay Area where I just HAVE TO GO SHOPPING!!! It's like Shopping Tourette Syndrome, where I start twitching and my eyes flick back and forth looking for a mall. Shopping Malls beckon like jewels amongst the rolling hills.

Come hither. See my wares. Touch them and be content.

Wow, that sounds a little porny. Not what I was going for.

I believe this shameful consumer impulse falls upon me because I am, in my mind, shopping deprived in my little neck of the Famous Potato State. Lame first world problem, I realize this.

We have a little mall, but it's not a MALL. I don't want to dis where I live too much, because really I love it, and not being able to shop on a grand scale is actually a good thing for my family's continued well being. I just need to get a fix once a year is all. Want to get a fix.

And fix I did. In the picture above the girls and I are standing in one of my favorite stores, Williams-Sonoma. I love, love, love that store.

More on that in a little bit, because that's where my giveaway comes in. I first want to share with you yet another example why I deserve to not win Mom of the Year.

Today I was driving back to my Mama Llama's house with her and the girls, and I wanted to drop by Michael's to see the Project Life kits that were recently made available in retail stores. I've been so tempted to order one online, but I really wanted to touch one before I made that leap. And boy, am I ever glad I did. The albums for the kits are enormous. Enormous like a broiler pan long, enormous. I don't know about you, but I don't have any shelves in my home that an album like that will fit on, so I decided I would just stick to my Digital Project Life.

Satisfied, but a little let down, I walked out of the store, got back in my swagger van, and started driving us back home. I was telling my mom about why I didn't buy the thing I went into Michael's for, and Zoe Bug was in the back seat flailing her arms and yelling "Mom! Where's Annie? Mom! Where's Annie?!!!" in increasingly loud bursts of inquiry. I just shooed her inquiry away with a wave of my arm, as if to brush away an errant fly. In my mind Annie was hiding from me in the back of the van like she sometimes does, and then . . .

"Annie! I left my baby in the store! OMG, I can't believe I am driving away from the store where I left my baby! I should have a license to have kids!"

Then Zoe, ever the supportive child and always Johnny on the Spot to make me feel like the excellent mother that I surely must be, exclaims in her horrified voice, "You have a license to be a parent?" 

As if the authorities would be so lame as to bestow me with such a responsibility.

And why would they? I leave my children in stores far away from home, with nary a bread crumb or a GPS with which to find their way home.

I'm raising children without a license. Someone arrest me now. Before I hurt someone.

The irony here is that my Mama Llama is retired Child Protective Services and she made me. What kind of social worker raises a sicko like me?

My Mama Llama does. Blame her.

I know you want to know how this turns out, right?

Well, we get back to the store and I'm thinking I bet I can get back in there without Stinkerbell even realizing I've left. And I did. I found her walking towards the front of the store shortly after I walked in the door, and she did not look panicked. But then this is Stinkerbell we're talking about.

"Ha, ha. Funny story, Stink. You're not going to believe this but I actually drove away from the store and left you here. I forgot you in the store."

And do you know what? She didn't even look surprised at all. She looked at me with this look on her face that seemed to say "Oh, I believe it. I believe it and you're lucky that you came back here after me because I know where we live, and I know your phone number, Woman. And furthermore, I have problem solving skills that you incessantly scold me to use. I have them and I know how to use them. Go ahead and leave me in the store again. Go ahead. Watch what happens."

She said all of that with a look. A look that gave me goosebumps. 

I'm a little bit skeered of my own child. I hope I never do that again.

I wonder if there's some kind of LoJack for kids that I could install? One that alerts me when I get, say a mile away from my child. Enough time to safely alert me and still leave enough time to get back to the scene of the crime and pretend like nothing ever happened.

I'll have to work on the ratting myself out part though. I suck at that. I'm a Tattle Tale.

So, Mom of the Year. Bring it.

Now for the fun part. Looky what I found at Williams-Sonoma. They're Summer Harvest Pie Crust Cutters.

I have the autumn set, but I've never seen this Summer Harvest set before.

This is what you can do with them. Pretty cool, eh?

I bought a set for me, and a set to give away.

The Giveaway starts now, and it ends on Friday, August 9th. Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Snack Attack

As untimely as this post is, you should know that I meant to get it up a couple weeks ago. The problem was that I just kept procrastinating because I was dreading editing all the pictures and updating the baking ingredients spreadsheet. Editing the pictures alone takes forever. 

Well, it just so happens that today school was cancelled due to the cold, so yay! Free Day! Days like this are a gift from Heaven above. The best part about them is the surprise in the morning, waking up to a text message telling me that school is cancelled. That, and it's a Monday. It's better than Christmas morning, let me tell you.

Temps in my neck of the woods dropped to 20 below last night and they've been hanging out around 0 and 1 all day, so I'm not going anywhere, and since I'm not going anywhere, I may as well make myself useful. I should go to the gym, but I don't really want to walk into my cold garage and get into my cold car to warm it up. I'm such a Delicate Flower.

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that Peanut Head and I used to do an insane amount of holiday baking to give away to our friends and neighbors for Christmas. Well, in 2011 we decided we were finished with the whole ordeal. It had gotten so out of hand and become such a huge time suck and stress to accomplish, that we just threw up our hands and said "No more." 

So last year we didn't do any baking. Nothing. Nada.

And it was awful. We missed giving the treats away and frankly, we missed the treats.

So this year we cranked the machine back up and went to work. I thought it would be fun to share the crazy amounts of ingredients we use to accomplish our Bake-a-Palooza and how we pull it all off.

It starts with this. Our ingredients list. We print this baby out in October and slowly start amassing the ingredients with each grocery shopping trip, checking things off as we acquire them. On this spreadsheet you can see that we go through 39 boxes of white chocolate, 8 pounds of chocolate chips, 2-1/2 pounds of mint chocolate chips, 5 packages of Vanilla Almond Bark, 2 pounds of milk chocolate stars, 3 pounds of dried cranberries, 21 cups of almonds and pecans, 6.25 pounds of Oreos (from the Devil, they are), and on and on. Don't ask me how much it all costs because I'm afraid to keep track of it and I prefer blissful ignorance.

Here are some of the things we make, although each year we add and take things away, just to keep it interesting.

This is the Cranberry Almond Bark and it is by far the easiest thing to make. This one is my responsibility because I pick the easy stuff. Peanut Head is the patient one, so he does the really time-consuming stuff.

This is what I'm talking about. Peanut Butter Bon Bons. Peanut Head spends an entire day making these things.

And they do not disappoint. Someday I'll make a recipe card for them, but until then, you can have this picture. I know, annoying, right?

These are also made by Peanut Head, and they are Buckeyes. Or you could just call them Peanut Butter dream balls, although as a middle school teacher, the b-word is one I am very careful not to say around teens and pre-teens, as they lack maturity.

Egg Nog Fudge, another one of Peanut Head's treats. I know it's not much to look at, but every year people rave over this stuff. It's awesome.

These are Mint Chocolate Truffles. They are super yummy and smooth, but one of my least favorite things to make. I think it's because it seems like it takes forever to roll all of them into their little truffle shapes. Like maybe two hours or something like that. Not all day like Peanut Head's treats.

I used to roll these in chocolate sprinkles, but this year I made a white chocolate mint drizzle that saves a lot of time, and I think it makes them prettier too.

Pretty is good. So is pretty yummy.

Another one of Peanut Head's treats. Does it seem like he makes more than I do? Perhaps. Who's really keeping track anyway?

These are Star Cookies and they are one of my favorites.

Ah. Oreo Truffles. Who doesn't love Oreo Truffles? The only not so pretty thing about these is that when they sit at room temperature for any length of time they get a little greasy-beady looking, on account of all the lard in the Oreos. That's what makes them so good. Says my Grandma. Lard makes everything better because it comes from bacon.

Here's another one of Peanut Head's treats, White Chocolate Coconut Clusters. People rave about these too, and I have to agree, they are pretty dang good.

These Gingerbread Snowflakes are my responsibility and they are probably my most time-consuming treat to make. I make the dough one day, it chills overnight, and then I roll the dough out, cut the cookies, and bake them. Then they usually sit in my garage, frozen, until I get off my gnarly carcass and decorate them already.

That's on account of the decorating is a little tedious as I'm compulsive and insist on using tweezers to put little pearlescent balls on the snowflake ends.

Eighteen of them on each cookie

I eat some too. When they're defective and not perfectly round. That's me, taking one for the team again.

It generally takes us two to three weeks to crank out about a dozen different treats. Once something is made it gets stored in an airtight Rubbermaid container and then it sits on Peanut Head's Martha Stewart workbench in our freezing cold garage.

It's like having our very own deep freeze.

The last step is to distribute everything among the containers and deliver. It always surprises me how long this step actually takes. Hours.

Generally, every year on the day after Christmas, we hit the stores up for our treat containers for the next year. That way we get them half price. Unfortunately, we didn't do that last year because we thought we were done for good.

That meant that the usual containers we buy were out of our budget since we had to pay full price. We ended up using paper plates and cheapo boxes that had to be reinforced with Scotch tape. Neither option stacks, so it also made delivering and storing a bit of a nightmare. Live and learn though.

After Christmas we scored our usual mass quantities of treat containers for next year. Now we just need to find 1,264 small paper candy cups.

Strawberry Shortcake

I have a fantastic recipe for you today which I've adapted slightly from the May 2012 issue of Taste of Home magazine. 

The shortcake ends up being a cross between a biscuit and a scone, but the orange zest gives it a very special touch. The original recipe calls for grated orange peel, but I have bad luck with graters (knuckles get in the way), so I used my micro plane for a more subtle showing of orange peel. I also amped it up a bit because I don't think 1 tablespoon was enough. For me at least.

This is the biscuit mixture after "cutting the butter in." I don't have much luck with that either, so I tend to get in there with my hands and smash the butter into the flour. It takes awhile, but it works well.

I like the look of scalloped edges, but the only scalloped cookie cutter I have is a heart shape, so I went with that. I know it's June, but I'm not sorry.

Right before popping the biscuits into the oven, the recipe calls for brushing the biscuits with the whipping cream and sprinkling them with coarse sugar. This step is optional, and I assure you, you'll still be able to choke these down if you forget this part. I forget it at least half the time.

Oops. I bet you just realized that I've made these a few times since I received my May issue of Taste of Home. Busted.

Make them today. You won't be sorry. 

I like the recipe so much, it was worthy of a recipe card. Remember to click on it first for the best resolution, then save it to your computer. Enjoy!

Decadent Valentine Oreos

If you're on a post-holiday reducing plan, please click right on out of here because you're not going to want to see this. It might already be too late. Look away fast and try to distract yourself.

Well look at that. You're still here. You must be in the mood for a sweet treat. I promise, I have got the thing for you.

These white chocolate dipped Oreos are actually an accident. I thought they were going to be a train wreck, but I'm happy to report that I was wrong. It happens.

And unlike someone who shall remain unnamed, [cough] Peanut Head, I can admit it when it happens.

It all started back in November when Peanut Head and I were talking about starting our annual baking spree. Peanut Head is always changing things and he is never satisfied with perfection. He's maddening to live with, let me tell you. I grew up always hearing "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Peanut Head thinks that statement is a bunch of hullabaloo.

Anyway, he started talking about dipping our beloved Oreo cookies in white chocolate and then sprinkling them with festive sprinkles for the holidays. Possibly he did say "festive." Or not. I could have made that up. I have such a tenuous grip on what is real and what is not.

Pretend that he did.

Anyway, how many times can I say "anyway" in one post. Don't test me. So, anyway, I immediately boo hooed him and told him that the Oreos get too stale if not eaten right away (so what if it almost never happens), so therefore I didn't think they would be a good specimen for a layover of x number of weeks in our colder-than-an-icebox garage. That's where the insanity sits while we're cranking it all out. You really need to know what I'm talking about. Go look, and come right back, okay?

Yes, we are nuts. I am so, so, so, so, happy to report that 2010 was The Last Year for that mess. It is a tradition that has taken on a life of its own. We have spreadsheets with ghastly amounts of unhealthy ingredients, perfectly lined out and tabulated, so that we can start shopping for the ghastly amounts of ingredients in September. No lie.

Thankfully, I have only my memories.

And these. I can push on with these by my side. On my thighs. Whatever.

I want you to have a friend like mine, so I'm going to hook you up with everything you need to make your own sin covered Oreos. Because I'm nice like that.

This is what you need to make the naked Oreos. And the recipe, of course. Click on that link and it will take you to the original post with the recipe card.

To trick out your Oreos like these babies, you'll need a few extra ingredients.

Take one package of Vanilla Almond Bark and 8 oz. of white chocolate, and melt them together. Next, dip the Oreos in the chocolate, just as far as you dare. Put them on waxed paper and immediately sprinkle with the cutest sprinkles you can find. Allow the chocolate to dry and set up.

I'm going to go ahead and say it. You probably want to hide the Oreos and dole them out one at a time. It will make you feel powerful, and you'll get to experience a treat that actually improves with age. It sounds crazy, but they get better every day. Just keep them in an airtight container, and the cookies will become softer, encased in their white chocolate coats, with each passing day.

If you skip the hiding step, you won't get to see what I mean. No one can resist the Oreo, so if you're the only one who knows where they are, you will allow the maximum number of Oreos to survive long enough to achieve Nirvana, because only you will be sneaking them.

By day five, your eyes will roll back in your head and knock you out when you take your first bite. I haven't experimented past day five, so you'll have to run experiments of your own.

I know it sounds like such drudgery, but it's for science. Put on your lab coat and get to it.