Wednesday, February 17, 2010

And a Tornado of Destruction Befell the Land . . .


Meet our new tornado. Our tornado in the form of a six-month old puppy. And he's an abandoned puppy, so of course he has issues.

How appropriate.

We were never going to get a puppy. Ever. Puppies eat furniture. Puppies eat shoes. Puppies poop in the house. Puppies . . . oh never mind. Let's just sum it up by saying that puppies are little tornados. Little furry, stinky, slobbery tornadoes.

It's all Peanut Head's fault. Big surprise, I know. 

We were going to wait until summer, or spring at the very least, to get a dog. A full-grown dog from the shelter. Not. A. Puppy.

Then Peanut Head e-mailed this picture to me and he included a little sob story about how Mr. Puppito was abandoned and he needed a home blah, blah, blah. He's such a marshmallow.

And then he had to go and show the picture to this one.

And then this one. Then I caved. I was a goner.

Well what would you have done?

So now we have a puppy, and it's all because Peanut Head didn't stick to the plan.

Did I mention it's a boy? I think I heard Peanut Head saying something about how he was outnumbered in this house, or something like that. Whatever. Do you see the indelicate way Mr. Puppito is lounging? It makes me want to get the carpet cleaner out, pronto.

I had to settle for a trip to the vet. Mr. Puppito came home on a Sunday, we got his shots on Monday, and by the end of the week he was neutered. Oh yeah, we took care of that mess straight away.
Once the shots and the boy bits were dealt with, we moved on to naming Mr. Puppito. Let me just say this again, Peanut Head is a ginormous dork. This is his white board, where he insisted that each of us keep a running list of names that we wanted for the pup. Frankly, the girls' names were just horrid. I'm sorry. I feel terrible about that, but really, they were. And this list you see is the edited list, so you're not even getting the true flavor of the horridness.

Plus, I couldn't seem to steer Peanut Head away from names that described food. I kept asking him if he was hungry, and he was not amused. He was actually pretty grouchy about it.

To make matters worse, Peanut Head scoured the internet for days, looking for the perfect puppy name. I am not kidding you. You would have thought he was a new daddy and this was his first born. I had no idea there were so many internet sites to help you name your dog. Seriously.

We mulled the name thing over for at least two weeks and we were getting nowhere. Nobody could agree. I couldn't understand why no one else liked GUStov Eduardo Clementine. Now that's a name you can holler down the street at night. GUStov EDUARDO Clementine, get back here this instant you naughty little doggie!

They just weren't feelin' it though. Dashed again. 

Then out of the blue, a mental fart raced through my brain and straight out my mouth without my knowledge, and I blurted out "Gunny!"

No lie. It came from nowhere.

Let me explain. Gunny is short for Gunnery Sergeant. And Peanut Head was in the Marine Corps. Mind you I didn't think any of this. It just spewed out from some secret part of my brain that I wasn't even aware existed. Imagine what nuggets of wisdom must be stored there.

And Peanut Head liked the name! Can you believe that?

So immediately he became Gunny. And correct me if I'm wrong here, but doesn't he look a little bit like a draft dodger? I think it's those shifty, no-eye-contact eyes.


Lucinda Gooseberry does not like him one little bit. She thinks he stinks and his mama dresses him funny.

And she's right. Gunny Man has a serious flatulence problem. His toots can peel the paint off walls.

And there are other undesireables as well. Of course.

The biggest problem we had was where to put this little package of giddy destruction while we were at work and school. We decided we needed to minimize the potential damage as much as possible, and that meant corralling the tornado in the hallway during the day. The worst he could do is eat a door jamb, right?

Did I mention Lucinda hates his guts?


As I was saying, minimize the destruction . . . what a joke. This is the door to Stinkerbell's room, right at the end of the hallway. All the doors are closed during the day, right? And that should suffice for someone with no opposable thumbs, right?

Apparently not. He managed to not only get Stinkerbell's door open, but then he one upped it and locked himself in the room. No lie. He is definitely Peanut Head's child.

And look what he did! Sittin' there with his no-eye-contact look, amid the destruction. How ironic that the Time Out bench is right behind him. He's going to need it.

Puppies eat shoes. And yes, thankfully this one was a hideously ugly, Dora the Explorer sandal, but still.

Puppies eat boots. They don't discriminate and just eat the hideous shoes. They go for the good stuff too. [Sniff].

And if that weren't enough, "Hey! Someone's been sleeping in my bed!"

Gee, that sounds familiar.

43 comments:

  1. I got my pup when she was 4 months old. Thankfully she didn't do TOO much destruction. although she did eat through 2 baby gates AND a wire kennel. After that I stopped trying to gate her when we left the house, and believe it or not, she did just fine. I can leave papers on the floor and she won't bother them. Thank goodness, because you know, I suck at housework. haha however, should I happen to drop a dirty kleenex? well, there's no hope for that kleenex, it's gonna get eaten.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jill, Jill, Jill. I have a doggy you can have. He is just a mere 150lbs at 18 months old. =) And I have'm all trained up for ya! =)

    Congratulations. I-think! ☺❤

    Aimee

    ReplyDelete
  3. OOOOOOH... but they're SO wonderful! Congrats on the addition to your family! It's a pain to get through the puppy chews but they're full of unconditional love and devotion! :) And I can totally say that becuase it's YOU with one, and not ME! Ha ha!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Congratulations on the new addition and my condolences on the loss of your boots. After 3 golden puppies growing up, I adopted two older dogs about a decade ago. One named Barney and the other we got to name. For some reason, my husband and I both looked at her and agreed on Emily after I rejected "Molly". My Marine husband had also wanted to rename Barney to something more manly like "Chesty" or "Rommel". Yeah, no.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh yes, puppies are a lot of work and can be quite destructive, they they are so cute, they can get away with it. You'll grow to love Gunny, I'm sure! Funny how he got that door open--he must be very smart!

    ReplyDelete
  6. That post is TOO funny! I laughed so loud it got some attention. The rule in our house is if you lol, then ya gotta share... result, teens oooohing at cute dog and all laughing hysterically at story.
    All the best with your new puppy.
    btw, we adopted out now nearly 5yo LabX dog when he was 17months - a good age to adopt but some of his bad habits have been very hard to train out of him, so there are benefits to adopting them a bit younger.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh my. That was great! For me. Because my dog is a full grown, lazy pile of flatulence. I did my time with two rotties, and NEVER AGAIN. Ugh! Gunny Man is really cute though! Totally worth the destroyed shoes, right?

    ReplyDelete
  8. I was laughing as I read your post - we have a 18 month mini-schnauzer. Did you know that the puppy stage is not just for 12 months but more like 36 months? The big chew event @ our home happened while I was in bed, my dh was on the computer in another room and the "puppy" chewed my couch cushions apart. He didn't destroy the zipper or cover, he went for the cushion part, 2 big cushions.....I didn't know who to be madder at my dh or the "puppy"????

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, are you sure this dog is not from Mississippi and a sibling to our Lucie?????? They look alike, sort of, but I guess they aren't quite the same age....she has similar issues, though. Hope things get better.......having a puppy is no walk in the park!

    Suzanne

    ReplyDelete
  10. Aww. . . we adopted our baby almost 2 years ago, when he was about 6 months old and a "mere" 76 pounds (we've got him back down to about 105). (That wasn't the plan either.)

    The cat is STILL hiding in the basement. *sigh*

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ha! I couldn't stop laughing or shaking my head! I know all about that and the "We'll take care of it; promise". Lies. All lies. You do realize that puppies get bigger ~ any idea how big Gunny's potential might be? Oh, and the magazine pose that made you want to get the cleaner out ~ wait until it's the other end taking a ride across your carpet!

    But the bright side is he'll love you unfailingly and always be there when you need a hug!

    ReplyDelete
  12. It took us forever to name our new puppy. In our house I was the one on the internet looking for a name. It took nearly two weeks of calling him "puppy" before we finally agreed on Butter (he's a yellow lab).

    We also have another dog that we got because my husband is also a "marshmallow" and couldn't resist an abandoned dog-someone actually put this puppy out tied to their garbage bags to be thrown out with the trash. :( We've had him for over a year now and he is an awesome dog. I bet yours will be the same!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Congratulations on the new addition to your family! Good luck training that one to eat only food:-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Congratulations on the new addtition. There is a reason puppies are so cute!! Otherwise we would kill them...HA HA!! I had one that looked just like yours abandoned also. She was so frustrating but oh so sweet and loving. Good luck with everything and thanks for the good laugh!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Awwwww look at Gunny...he is just too CUTE!!! I definitely don't envy you through the puppy stage. Our Lucy is 2 now and thankfully past MOST of the bad....lol.

    Thank goodness puppies are SOOOOO CUTE so you don't kill them when they do something like the shoe incident!

    We are softies too when it comes to animals....that is why we now have 5 (an extra two cats) instead of the 3 it should be (2 dogs 1 cat)!!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. What a cute puppy! And I love his name.

    I have 2 words for you - Crate training! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  17. congratulations! what breed is gunny?
    my kids want a dog soooo bad! i showed my daughter what gunny did to stinkerbell's shoes and she is begging me not to show this to daddy!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh, but he's so adorable! I think you need to stick a cigarette behind his ear and get him some dog tags!

    ReplyDelete
  19. First. I love the fact that as I was reading this - "It's all Peanut Head's fault. Big surprise, I know." I glanced to the right, and there was Peanut Head's photo in the sideline with that Ha Ha Ha face!

    Second. The white board. I loved "Teddy Graham".

    Third. Gunny. Wow. Guess you had to be there (well, you were!) but a really good friend of ours has a dog named Gunny. Let's just say, he's full grown, neutered, and a real FIRECRACKER, to say the least!

    Good Luck!!!

    Love reading your blog btw. It's SO much fun at your place!!! REAL LIFE ADVENTURES.

    Tina

    ReplyDelete
  20. LOLOL
    they can bring alot to a family.
    Just grin & smile.

    When we got our we had a hard time naming her too. We still call her by 4 different names & shes 3 now.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Congrats on your latest edition! Gunny is a cute pup. This post is hilarious and if my husband ever asks for a dog I will show it to him and say, thanks but no thanks!

    Growing up I had a dog that could open doors, including the front door! Had loads of fun escaping with my 5 year old brother.... Oh the memories!

    ReplyDelete
  22. You are a better woman than I am! I am with Lucinda Gooseberry! It's not that I don't like dogs. I just couldn't have one living in my house. I enjoy my sister's and friends' dogs when they are here but then they go home!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hi Jill!

    Congrats on Gunny! I know how you feel. We have a german shepherd that is FINALLY (after 3 years) past the puppy stage. It was trying at times, but we all love him like crazy, so it was worth it! I had to laugh at your hubby's board, cause his name is Maximilian (Max for short), which is the first name on the board. LOL We're actually thinking of getting him a girlfriend, so who's the crazy one?? LOL I'm the one who's home all day taking care of things.

    Anyhoo, I just discovered your blog yesterday, and have been happily been traveling backwards for over a year. LOL I feel like you all are family now! I have subscribed and can't wait to see what you all are up to next.

    I found you through a Menu Monday post, and I love your printable recipes! Thanks for those and your other cute offerings!

    Take care,
    Shannon

    ReplyDelete
  24. Hi Jill! This.Was.Hilarious. Sorry about your misfortune...the torn shoes that is. :) I emailed you a few months back about recipe organization (I had a different email) and I'm happy to say my box in growing quite nicely. I also have a blog now! You'll be happy to know that I discovered the world of blogging via your site! I'll eventually be posting about my recipe box and your great idea!

    Take care!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Don't even get me started!!!
    We have our Lucy-who is now almost two...and she has been more work than my three boys...four if you count my hubby. No lie.
    But your Gunny is a cute little thing-
    Good luck-this is only the begining, I am afraid! :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. I suggest giving your dog some pumpkin in his food to help his gas issues. We foster greyhounds and this helps a bunch.
    It is hard to find right now because of the shortage, but I have been successful at Walmart.

    - Rosa

    ReplyDelete
  27. Oh my god I am dying right now!!!

    Oh the good old puppy stage. My Great Dane was THE WORST puppy ever so I can sympathize with you.

    But they are just so cute, mine definitely has the "puppy dog" eyes thing down pat!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Oh no! Ha ha now you are going through what I did. I just couldn't do it though and we gave the dog back. I felt bad but I really just didn't have the patience to deal with a dog. BUT I hope your case is different and that he adds lots of love to the house, and maybe a good lesson of responsibility for the girls?

    ReplyDelete
  29. Oh noes...as a fellow victim of the 'it HAS to be rescued!' I understand! Pushover men...we have one Mexican immigrant and one from a local abandonment, both ladies, but the Mexican sits most unladylike, just like your new guy. They've sacrificed hats, remotes, cords, shoes, wristbands, projects in progress...we've finally learned to pick up after ourselves!
    But they grow up quick :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. OH my does that sound like an adventure. I think I'll stick to my kitty. Thanks for reminding me that as cute as they are they are a bit more work than I'm ready for!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Oh my goodness! I am laughing out loud. This is the funniest post ever! You definitely have your hands full. Gunny is a cutie though and he really will outgrow all this chewing. Keeping him in a kennel while you are gone won't hurt him and he won't use the bathroom in his cage. I had my last dog paper trained, so even if I came home late from work and he could not longer hold it, he would go on the paper and no place else. Persevere! Things will get better. Wishing you all the best. Tammy

    ReplyDelete
  32. Oh, that's sorta funny!
    The cat says it all!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Oooh, I'd say this is why I have cats. but I think you know my cat story... pooping all over the house... puking on stuff if he's mad... he's like a dog that meows... sigh.

    You're puppy is cute. And use the destruction to your advantage! Leave out shoes that you don't care for then when they are eaten, buy NEW SHOES! whoot! :-P

    Good luck with training! I sort of miss having a dog.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Adorable!!! Enjoyed my visit to your blog!

    Julie
    www.equusvilla.blogspot.com
    www.ridingaside.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  35. Wow...that is some serious damage. Good luck...the puppy stuff is super hard! I have a feeling the next couple of months will be filled with puppy blog posts. It was all I could think about when we got one in August. Holly

    ReplyDelete
  36. Oh my - I really do feel bad for you! Others may be happy for you, but I couldn't do what you are doing - you are much nicer than me :) Gunny is really cute though!!!

    by the way - I have an award for you: http://3little1.blogspot.com/2010/02/stiletto-award.html

    ReplyDelete
  37. ha ha. i think our husbands would get a long. We had a several day, several tiered voting process to name our cat. (and I won! Shakespeare! Yippee!)

    http://paintedmaypole.blogspot.com/2008/01/meow.html

    ReplyDelete
  38. Oh man...I woulda been wanting Mr. Gunny GONE...I don't deal well with destruction that I can avoid...and dog farts...why is it that they are like a thick cloud that never seems to clear??!!! UGH!!

    ReplyDelete
  39. hahaha...it's nice to know a fellow sucker ;) I caved too, and at the end of the day, I'm glad. The gas (which I can SO relate with) will probably subside after a while. Alex our lab had the WORST gas ever, but I think it was from stress. Once he aclimated to us, his flatulence calmed down a LOT. Good luck :)

    ReplyDelete
  40. I remember the new puppy stage, we went through it 3 years ago and are still going through it with our Theadore Maxamillin (I say that name on your board). He's eatten remotes for vcr's doors, tile of the kitchen floor and who know what else but he's the first to cuddle when I'm sick and those days make up for everything else. Enjoy the new pup. And here to my husband brought this one home he had to have a "man dog"

    ReplyDelete
  41. Omigosh. That is so funny!
    Bad dog!!

    But would you just LOOK at that FACE?!!

    ReplyDelete
  42. So I know this post was forever ago. But I am wondering if they told you what kind of pup that is? Our pup is similar to yours and we are still stumped?!

    ReplyDelete