Early last month, we had our family pictures taken for the first time in seven years. I know. I can't believe it's been that long either.
It's just that I kept putting it off because, "Dang It, I'm still fat."
In the meantime gravity is also blessing me with her gifts and I have jowls as well.
For years I've been putting just the girls' pictures on our Christmas cards. Well not this year. With Zoe Bug going to turn twelve next summer, she'll be off to college next fall and that's it. She'll never come home again.
Therefore, I'm going to have a proper Christmas card this year, jowls be danged.
Here it is. I just made it on Shutterfly, so it looks like I might actually get my Christmas cards out this year before Christmas. And not next August like that one time.
I usually design my own cards but this year I can't be bothered with that. I'm on vacation this week, and that would put a crimp in my sleeping in until 10:30 a.m. schedule.
No lie. I'm doing it.
My friend, GaeLyn, took these pictures. She has a real Big Girl Camera that I wouldn't have a clue how to use. She was so patient with us, and she took a lot of time getting oodles of poses.
Some of the poses were super uncomfortable too.
Like this one.
That's a pained smile you see there on my face. My ample behind was perched on a pointy rock with a vertically tipped summit. I was holding my knees up while attempting to balance, all the while sliding down the summit.
It's not a good look.
Frankly, I'm just thankful I didn't fart. That's how tense I was.
Oh Stinkerbell. You know how when you're having a professional take pictures of your kids and you want them to cooperate and act like they really weren't raised by wolves, but all they can manage is their Constipation Face? Then you start whisper yelling through gritted teeth, "Relax and SMILE, or I will ground you when we get home."
And then they either don't believe you or they just don't care.
My kids just don't care.
Frankly, I'm just glad the whole ordeal is over with. Although I would have loved to have GaeLyn run some PhotoShop Magic on my frame, I didn't dare ask because I've learned the hard way that you have to be careful what you ask for.
When I had my picture taken for my ID Badge at school I jokingly asked the Badge Dude to clean up my extra chinnage before slapping it on my ID. He was a Mean Little Man, because I got my badge back and he clearly put my picture through the Fun House Mirror function and stretched my head out like a Gourd Gone Wild. Or Mrs. Peanut Head, take your pick.