Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Ferris Wheels Are From the Devil. Even at the Happiest Place on Earth

I finally unloaded our trip pictures off the camera, and I've selected a small sample to share with you. And just in case my post title didn't tip you off, we went to California over the holidays, and we spent a couple days at Disneyland. The Happiest Place on Earth.

Follow us while I relive some precious memories.

Here we are on the Splash Mountain log ride. I think it was the first ride we went on, but it's all a blur to me, so let's just pretend it was the first.

Notice how Zoe Bug doesn't seem to be enjoying herself much.

She's a bit of a chicken butt. You could say she was on an emotional roller coaster, vacillating between extreme terror and giddy gleefulness. More about that later. 

Can you believe it drizzled almost all day long on our first day there?

But it's California, so how bad could it be, really? Throw on a trash bag poncho and enjoy the mildly fluctuating temperatures in paradise. 

It's a Small World was gorgeous at night. But there were waaaaaaaay too many people there. And the kids, man, oh man were there kids there. And strollers galore.

I don't get it. Who takes their kids to Disneyland?

We're calling this picture "Poncho Portrait."

We ate horribly while we were away. Who does that on vacation?

I have to unbutton my jeans when I sit down now. It was worth it. The memories.

The Teacup ride? Not fun. Unless you like nausea and vomiting. Then it's loads of fun.

Fake it 'til you make it, I say. By the way, this picture is proof that I was there.

And this wheel? You turn it to make the tea cup turn faster. Please don't turn it.

The teacups are from the Devil.

So is the Ferris Wheel. From. The. Devil.

I hate Ferris Wheels, but somehow Peanut Head talked me into going on the Ferris Wheel. I think all that sugar was burning holes in my brain. I was in a Sugar Stupor.

The Disneyland Ferris Wheel is not your average Ferris Wheel either. This one had cages for you to sit in, there were no seat belts, and the cages swung back and forth on a pendulum, while rotating around the Circle of Doom.

It was okay until we got into the uppermost arc of the C.O.D. Then the combination of the height and the erratically swinging cage with no seat belts flung me into a panic. Which was made worse by Peanut Head's maniacal laugh and repetitive requests to "Give me the camera! Give me the camera!", so he could document my terror.

And Zoe was right there riding that Crazy Train with me. She was begging Peanut Head to "Please, Daddy. Please get me down!"

And then Stinkerbell, being the sadistic opportunist that she is, kept inching closer to the edge of the cage and saying "Ooooh. I'm going to open the door and look out. Do you want me to open the door, Mama?"

To which I yanked her back viciously, sort of like that one time, and told her that she "wasn't going to move another inch or I was going to kill her so help me Mickey Mouse." 

Yeah. Never again on that Ferris Wheel. Never. Again.

I didn't give Peanut Head the camera either. I only let go the one time to snatch my baby away from the door of the Death Trap.

Oh yeah, we got some hats too. Aren't they fun? Peanut Head is loving the hair a little too much for my taste. He was really workin' it and thinking he was all that.

And he is, but we don't tell him that. His head is big enough.

Disneyland had some super cute hats. So why, someone please tell me, do my children have to pick out the boy-pirate and the Mickey's butt hats?

Is this some sort of punishment for something I may have said or done? Is it the Devil-Ferris Wheel comment, because I can edit?

Anyway, as I was saying, they could have picked out princess ears, or princess-in-the-castle hats with gauzy trains, or umpteen different versions of girlie cuteness, but they had to go and do this.

It's Halloween all over again.

Speaking of scary things . . . I do not like the Tiki Room. The Tiki room is CUH-reepy. Who, with half a brain, willingly sits in a room of singing birds, underneath those CUH-reepy singing birds, and tempts fate like that?

Yeah. I did. Peanut Head made me. Some blah blah about fond childhood memories or something.

We all know what birds do when they are aloft. And I'm not talkin' about flying either.

The castle was gorgeous, of course. Which reminds me about my first trip to Disneyland, when I was 18. It was a disappointment, to say the least. I had been watching Disney movies all my life, and I expected that when I actually went to Disneyland, I might be able to see the real Tinkerbell, flying around the castle and sprinkling her pixie dust.

And there was none of that.

It was all a fantasy. Santa all over again.

A young girl's dream . . . shattered.

Ooh. This was fun.

Zoe wanted to go on the Hollywood Tower Hotel ride and we were all "Okay. Let's go!"

Zoe had no idea what the ride was all about.

It's pretty basic really. Tall building. Ghosts. Lightning. Plummeting to the earth elevators. Good times.

Since we were in the Disneyland line FOR. EVER, she had lots of time to ponder the upcoming fun. Some observations were made. Some screaming was heard. Bad things happened.

By the time we got to the front of the line, she had nearly worked herself into a tizzy.

Here she's watching the elevator lights as the elevator gets closer to our floor. She's willing it to break down before we get on.

I don't know what she's so worried about. How bad can it be?


Okay. It was pretty bad.

In spite of the fun the rest of us are having, Zoe isn't feeling it.

After the ride she was absolutely hysterical, blowing snot and sobbing. The poor little thing.

Lucky for her, a Disney Princess from 1955 was there to greet her after the ride. Disney Grandma Princess was so sweet, her voice was just oozing sugar. She gave Zoe Bug a button to wear on account of she survived. 

I would have snapped a picture of that, but there was snot everywhere, and I don't want to gross you out. Well, too much anyway.

Disney Grandma Princess was telling Zoe that she just survived the scariest ride at Disneyland and now she could ride anything.

Yay! California Screamin' here we come!

Just in case you're getting ready to call CPS on me, here's proof that Zoe Bug did have some fun at Disneyland. It wasn't all terror and trauma.

I think Stinkerbell had the most fun. She liked all the rides and she got see her sister get the crap scared out of her. She's so mean like that.

Just like her Mama.

See what I mean about Peanut Head and the hat. He kept playing with his hair. Flinging it this way and that. I dang near wanted to buy him a cheerleader outfit so he could really let loose.

This is his Derek Zoolander "Blue Steel" look.

Now this ride was super scary. We didn't go on it. You couldn't have paid me to go on this one. Again anyway. My sister tricked me into going on one of these once.

Never again.

The Vomit Visors are the first tip-off that you don't want to go on this ride. They were tapered like a funnel, so that if you had to hurl, the Vomit Visor would deposit your little load right back into a neat little pile in your lap.

Isn't that nice?

Once you're strapped in and your Vomit Visor is firmly ensconced over your torso, the chair shoots up to the top at 18,657 miles an hour. See how blurry it is?

Then when you get up there, it drops you, free fall. It's awful.

Then you do it again, and again, and again. It's a bulimic's Disneyland.

These are the 3D glasses for the Toy Story ride. That was fun. And not scary. See? Zoe did fun stuff too.

N is for Never Again. Well, maybe again, but not the Ferris Wheel. It's from the Devil.

Even at the Happiest Place on Earth.



  1. oh my word, you're sure asking for the meanest mom award by posting those photos! LOL

    but at least people will get a good chuckle out of it so it can't be that bad, can it? ;)

    (p.s. I linked to your blog in my post today, just fyi)

  2. OMG! that picture of your daughter looking like she is ready to die is hysterical!! But, she went, snot and all!! LOL!

  3. You totally captured the whole spectrum of emotions on this vacay......I'm sure the fun memories will outlast the bad, but you managed to capture the bad to long be remembered!! LOL!! How fun!


  4. Hmmm, that Hollywood Tower ride sounds like the labor and delivery floor at the hospital. Are you sure you were at Disneyland? : ) Love your pictures and overall, it looks like you had a blast together. Ah, family vacations.

  5. Oh. My. God. You got the best picture on the entire planet with the Tower of Terror!! Too funny!! I went there a couple years ago with Asia's junior high band program and as a large group we took up almost the entire elevator. After a couple of bounces I said "Holy cow! I'm glad I'm wearing a sports bra!" It had gone silent in that very moment. Asia loves it when I go out with her group of friends.... lol NOT

  6. Oh how I hated the ferris wheel at Disney too! But the Tower of Terror was GREAT! Poor Zoe, though....

  7. Your trip looks great! What memories.

  8. I love this post! We are taking our girls to Disney World for the first time in May and it makes me very excited. And it also reminds me to take a lot of pictures. I love how you captured all the emotions of the trip. I am not a spin until you throw up or swing at the top of a ferris wheel gal either. I think I will send daddy and just take lots of pictures.

  9. The Tower of Terror picture is hysterical! I feel awful for her, but I still can't stop laughing!! Bless her heart : )

  10. Oh my goodness! I cried during this post...from laughing so hard at Zoe's face on the Tower of Terror ride. My daughter would have been the same way...but on any of the rides. And that is why we won't be doing Disney anytime soon!

  11. Thanks so much for sharing. This post was delightfully sweet and funny. (Just as you are!)

  12. You had me laughing so hard that I spit out my soda....excuse me while I wipe off my laptop....There, all better.

    I am glad that you got some smiles out of Zoe. I would hate to think that it was all trauma.

  13. Oh you just brought back so many memories for me, and the one where it rained as we went on rides is the first to come to mind, since I saw the rain jackets!

    I miss my kids being little like that, and sharing the excitement!

  14. Wow! "Happiest Place on Earth"!? Who knew?

    Guess it rates up there with seeing Santa for the first time.

    Just great stories and photos for the family Thanksgiving table for years to come....


  15. I enjoyed reading this sooo much!

  16. It looks like a great time...except for the terror:-)

  17. I *HATE* the tower of terror. After the second time I went on it (on a second trip) I vowed never again. I'm pretty sure that could have been a photo of me you took, except I didn't hug any of the men next to me. Although, my new husband when we went to Disney world for our honeymoon made me go on the ride. again. And I'm pretty sure I looked EXACTLY like Zoe. :-P

    I can't recall any ferris wheels at Disney World, so go there next time. it's good times.

    Happy New Year!

  18. RS made me stop whatever I was doing with his huge belly laugh. So of course I had to sit down and put on my "Jill voice" and let the story begin.

    Poor Zoe Bug! She is so precious and I feel for her and her terror.

    Of course I love your ability to capture the ups and downs of any activity.

  19. You are awesome. Can I just say that. The Tea Cups... yeah not my cup of tea. We rode those in DW in Orlando. My husband who I will never trust again, took spinning to a whole new level. I was sick for the rest of our day. Ferris Wheels. Six Flags is connected to our local fair when it comes in August. The kids and my dear hubby (yet again) convinced me to go on. My son and I were sitting on one side and daughter and hubby on the other. It was night time and the wind was blowing. I don't mind heights when I'm strapped in, but just sitting there waiting to fall to my death, not so much. They enjoyed looking over the edge to further traumatize me and he wanted my camera too! What is with these guys? Right, like I'm gonna release my death grip on the bar next to me of the cage to reach across, risk rocking it, and hand you my camera. Right. Then the ride attendant was not paying attention and almost left us on for another full ride of doom! I screamed top of my lungs that HEY WE WERE ALREADY HERE AND WE DON'T WANT A FREE RIDE THANKS!!! I like my feet planted firmly on the ground, unless it's on a really cool coaster. Glad you had a good vacation even though you missed a Michael's coupon :)

  20. I stumbled across your blog a few months ago and have been reading it from time to time. I live in CA, about 10 miles from Disneyland and am a frequent visitor. I have never laughed so hard at the very, very accurate description of the "vomit visors". Thank you for bringing some levity into the everyday. You are very witty and clever.

  21. JEALOUS! Looks like so much fun...even the not so fun parts!

  22. oo, ooo, look, I'm your 400th follower! Do I win a prize? LOL This made me laugh hard! We had a similar Disney land misadventure. I love it when they freak out at the happiest place on earth.

  23. Great post and absolutely hilarious. Thanks for the laugh. You write such great stories. Looks like so much fun. Katrina x

  24. Great post. It was like I was reliving our Disneyland trip with our 2 daughters. I HATED the ferris wheel. The hubby and the oldest laughed their behinds off at me. I can't wait to go back and do it all again...crazy Momma's that we are. Happy New Year!

  25. Thanks for the fun post, you got me laughing!! I hate ferris wheels too!!!!! Really, really hate them!!!!! Oh those pictures and stories were priceless, your daughter is going to love/kill you.

  26. You are SO FUNNY! The pictures are so great - I laughed so hard. I can relate, we went there this summer w/ our little ones. Oh Boy! Thanks for making my day!

  27. You had me laughing out loud at your little daughter's trauma. So now I feel guilt by proxy. I am usually not the person who laughs when strangers fall on their asses, I'm the annoying sap who says "aw, that's terrible; stop laughing" but your post was so funny, I couldn't help it.

  28. Okay seriously Kambry and Zoe should go to Disneyland together. She will never forgive me OR Heidi for "making" her go on the Tower of Terror! She could have been in every one of those pics instead of Zoe! So funny! I just don't have the proof you do. I didn't take pictures. I only took happy ones. She is standing here reading the post and telling me she feels Zoe's pain! I love it! Glad you had fun and are home safe!

  29. Oh and I forgot to tell you Morgan went with Boyd and Derek on the ride with the vomit visors SEVERAL times. CRAZY that is the only word I have for it. They loved it!

  30. We did this back in 2006 while the kids were little (almost 6 and 4) TO EXPERIENCE THE MAGIC WHILE THEY WERE YOUNG. Our experience? Pretty much like yours. Jungle Ride of Terror. Pinocchio's very terrible ride. Also, the Soaring Through California and various other simulator rides gave my child a twitch for at least a year. We have lots of pictures of her crying too. Great scrapbook. Didn't experience the Tower, it looked way too scary. But the low point of the trip for me was also the ferris wheel-it was beyond terrifying to me. When the cars moved, I nearly suffered a full on anxiety attack as well.

    Ahhhhh, the magic. All to the tune of about $2K.

  31. You are a riot!!!! Cracked me up the whole post! Your husband and the hair... HILARIOUS!!! That poor baby... she looked miserable. I love that you've captured her misery for all time. She'll thank you later. ;)

  32. Oh My Goodness! I nearly peed my pants at Zoe's picture! That is so funny. I am weird like that too, laughing at my children's pain :)

  33. Poor Zoe!!! What a picture. I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to stop laughing though. We were all looking forward to Tower of Terror when we went for the first time this summer, but we were disappointed that it wasn't more fun or scary. Everybody likes different rides and hates different rides. :)

  34. I loved living the "whole" trip experience with you! You always make me laugh. I believe the teacups are the devil! My daughter wrote a story this year about me and the teacups at Disneyland. Her teacher showed me at conference and asked if I really threw-up that many times??? Truth is a didn't but sure felt like it.

  35. Thank you for a belly laugh! Love your spunk! I check your blog every once in a while and love your cooking and crafts - but mostly your sarcasm and wit! Loved your take on the Disney experience!

  36. My husband and I laughed our butts off when we read this. We are planning a Disney trip in '11. I have never, ever been to a Disney park. Yep, a 41 year-old Disney virgin.

  37. I was laughing so loud that my daugther came into the room to see what was so funny! have such a knack with words...keep it coming!! Erin Blair

  38. I haved laughed until I have cried at this post! You are a hoot!

  39. WOW you guys had an eventful trip! Zoe's face-- so sad! I like the looks on all the faces on the Hollywood Tower ride~LOL!