I think I've mentioned before that Zoe Bug is a horse fanatic.
Well, Peanut Head and I are, apparently, dumber than a box of rocks because we sent her to Horse Camp this week. Yeah. For her birthday last month, we thought it would be a great idea to put her in Horse Camp and nip this crazy infatuation right in the bud.
Yeah, we were secretly hoping that she would get up on a horse and freak out and never want to go back again. Because she's such a Delicate Flower and easily alarmed and discombobulated.
Yeah, well that. It backfired on us.
But then you probably could have told us that, right? Oh geez, she's even crazier about horses now, and instead of being grateful for the experience, she's walking around the house tripping over her bottom lip and crying a river of crocodile tears because we won't get her a horse.
In our defense, we got her these nifty boots. Aren't they great?
Apparently not great enough.
Zoe informed us that "At Parkwood there are lots of horses for sale that we could buy."
And when you look at the fine print in the brochure it informs us that we can also, after we spend probably thousands of dollars to buy a horse, board it there for the low, low monthly price of $560. And that includes two lessons per week!
We're so excited.
Whatever. That's practically a mortgage, Girlfriend. We ain't buying you no horse.
EV-ah. Get a job Girlie Girl.
Seriously, at Horse Camp they have to do the yucky stuff too. Like bathe the horses and poop scoop. And you come home smelling like a horse. No lie.
You would think the ginormous poop piles alone would deter a girl. They don't.
So I was talking to another mom at Parkwood and I asked her "So, I notice that there are no boys around here. Is that typical?"
She chuckled and said "Yep, you don't have to worry about boys here. This keeps them away from the boys."
This mom I was talking to has two girls taking lessons twice a week at Parkwood. And they have two horses at Parkwood. Hmmmm.
I can't even imagine. I told Zoe Bug that if we ever win the lottery, and we don't even play the lottery because we're reasonably good at math and and we just can't seem to shake our Probability Skillz long enough to buy a ticket, well then, maybe then we could buy her a horse and board it at Parkwood.
More than likely though, some fine day we'll be able to move out into the country where we can board our own horse on our own land. And instead of taking lessons from people who clearly know what they're doing, we'll learn how to ride the poor horse in our own little School of Hard Knocks and Crap I Fell Off Again, I Better Not Do That Anymore.
At least I think that's how it'll work. We'll probably read a lot of books about it too. I mean we don't want to hurt a poor innocent horse.
But for now we sure as heck cannot afford the whole Boarding/Lessons bit.
So, except for an occasional horse back riding treat here and there, Zoe Bug is going to have to be satisfied with her imagination and her 8,567 plastic horses.
Which we're also getting pretty tired of. I don't really know how it happened (Aunt Marcia and Mattie Cake and the rest of the blasted family), but when Zoe has every single horse in her arsenal out, there is no room to walk. Anywhere.
Which, in itself can be sort of fun.
"Oh no, Godzilla is on the rampage again and LOOK! There's the Baby Jesus riding a Pterodactyl and HE'S GOING TO BUZZ THE BARN AGAIN! Watch out HORSES!"
And I'm thinking we might need to call PETA. Those cramped stalls don't look like they're up to code. And there are Giant Iguanas stalking the perimeter.
Eek! And a . . .